Happy Birthday Mr. T. Thanks for not beating all of us fools up on April Fools. May you have many more years of jibba jabba.

I'm going out the same way I came in. Pow! See you around, suckas. Hope you fools enjoyed my jibba jabba. Don't do books, read milk, drink your drugs and respect yo mommas.

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Who do you think is gonna win? Mista T or some punk arse fool who sleeps all day and nibbles on people's necks? That's right. His mouth is gonna meet my fist, and my fist makes a good first impression sucka. Once I'm through with him, I'm gonna move on to this Dinosaur-Man chump. What kinda fool is gonna put pants and a tie on a dinosaur for Jeebus sakes! He's a dinosaur that's also a detective. Let's see if he can detect this move. What time is it fool? Time for me to sock you in the dino teeth, T style. [Mohawk Media]

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Yo! I'M MR. T!!! What an awesome day it's been, guest editing the Giz. Some of you think it's Talk Like T Day. Well, I'll squash the punk—squash him like a bug—who suggests that April 1 was TLT Day. It's April Fool, FOOL!! And to all you naysayers who think that Gizmodo sucked today, you know that the only thing you can hear is your little pea brain rolling round your head. And when I finish with you, you won't even be able to hear that! By the time I do let you girl scouts go, you're gonna be big on PAIN! But first I'm gonna make you all suffer with the rest of the web's April Fools.

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The suckas at Kohler wanted me to try out their new VibrAcoustic tub today, but I already took a bath this morning. I sent that one bathtubbin' fool in my place, and while I may go Clubber Lang on him for trying to impersonate the T, this tub looks pretty sweet.

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Mr. T's favourite laptop maker rolled out slick, useful and budget-minded updates to its Satellite line today. First up, the 13.3" U400, 14.1" M300, 15.4" A300 and 17" P300 have a new look called "Fusion," a shiny finish with pinstripes and smoothed edges, not unlike that sucka HP's successful smooth-n-shiny-n-pinstripey look. The eight shots in the gallery make the design look a bit greenish, so we'll have to wait to pass final judgment. It's one thing to look nice on the outside, but like T, these have a lot going on on the inside, too...

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Does the world need yet another company making Windows Mobile phones? Maybe, maybe not, but Velocity Mobile is doing it anyway with their Velocity 103 (left) and 111 (right) smartphones. Both are running Windows Mobile 6.1 and will launch in Q2 and Q3 respectively. What's this have to do with Mr. T? You can't spell Velocity without T, fool. Plus Mr. T likes smartphones.

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Who you callin' a momma's boy? Me? That's right. T's proud to love my momma! You should too. Here's some scientist explainin' why being a momma's boy is natural. I don't need no science to explain that punk. Mr. Scientist, I got three words for you. Respect yo momma! [Sciencentral]

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Mr. T says I'm crazy and he may be right. I'm a bird! I'm a plane! I'm a choo-choo train! But Mr.T-Mobile is the only crazy one: they requested Engadget Mobile to stop using their shade of magenta in his logo because it may lead to "confusion in the marketplace." Their shade of magenta? I've known magenta since she was a kid! She was called Cynthia back then. Don't worry Mr. Block, it'll all pass. Just hold your breath, and remember your exercises! [Engadget via Gadget Lab]

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If you're like me, you worry about your momma, even if you're just runnin' out to the grocery store. I used to like the Jitterbug, but ClarityLife phone might be what I should get her. It's got a big screen cuz her eyes aren't so good anymore, and it's got an amplifier that brings incoming voices up by 20 dB, cuz her ears aren't like they used to be either. There's a one-touch button on the back that will call and send text messages to five pre-programmed names, so if she takes a spill she can call for help. Best of all, no contract. What is my momma gonna do with 800 minutes of talktime? She'll talk for 800 minutes, but she doesn't need a phone to do it. Even if you don't buy her some fancy new old-person's phone, remember, treat your mother right. [Clarity Products]

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