7 Films We Should Probably Ban Right Now, You Know, Just In Case

7 Films We Should Probably Ban Right Now, You Know, Just In Case

So you've no doubt heard about American cinemas' near unanimous decision to pull The Interview from theatres. Not to be outdone in cowardice, Paramount is also telling some theatres to not play 2004's Team America: World Police in its place in deference to our new cultural overlords in Pyongyang.

Since we've officially abandoned all reason, we thought we'd help the studios out and ready a list of some other films that we should probably just ban lest we incur the wrath of some unknown hacker group that's demonstrated no ability to carry out all the threats it throws around. But hey, we wouldn't want to offend anyone!

Olympus Has Fallen

What?! A film in which a most perfectly planned North Korean plot doesn't assassinate the leader of the free world? Well, that won't do at all!

V for Vendetta

7 Films We Should Probably Ban Right Now, You Know, Just In Case

Oh man, I hope Kim Jong-Un didn't see this one! A whole film where an evil and corrupt government is overthrown by the people — all in support of a masked revolutionary. Let's just act like this one never existed, yes?

2012

Oh jeez, Kim Jung-Il said that 2012 was the year North Korea would "open the grand gates to becoming a rising superpower." A film basically about how shitty 2012 is probably wouldn't go over so well. Also, it's the year 103 in North Korea, based on the birth of Kim Il-Sung, so obviously this movie is just full of lies!

Liar Liar

7 Films We Should Probably Ban Right Now, You Know, Just In Case

North Korea, especially the tales of its leaders, are basically built on a delicate and intricate web of lies. Did you know that Kim Jung-il shot 38 under par at a golf course in Pyongyang, could talk when he was only 8 weeks old, and also wrote 1500 books in his lifetime? Don't question it! So it's no wonder that this dark, dark comedy depicting your inability to tell a lie would be too frightening for NK's propaganda unbiased media machine.

Frozen

7 Films We Should Probably Ban Right Now, You Know, Just In Case

A movie depicting the power of sisterhood and showing a heroic film that removes the decades-old yoke of the patriarchal prince charming? I don't think so! I mean North Korean women just gained the ability to wear trousers, platform shoes, and earrings in 2012. Let's not push it...

Breakfast Club

7 Films We Should Probably Ban Right Now, You Know, Just In Case

Wait, what is that? A denim jacket?! BANNED. Everyone knows that denim is a sign of American imperialism! John Bender, I'm afraid you won't do at all. In fact, call Robert Zemeckis, and see if we can't digitally insert a nice suede jacket on Marty McFly.

Captain America: First Avenger

7 Films We Should Probably Ban Right Now, You Know, Just In Case

Oh my, what were you thinking when you made this movie? Everyone knows that the real first Avenger was named the Jonginator who could should lasers from his eyes, swat away bullets like gnats, and crush imperialist dogs. Re-release with the correct first Avenger. Please, and thank you.


Comments

    Ok, I tried to not comment on this story, but I feel after the plethora of moronic drivel on gizmodo about it, I can keep silent no more!
    Firstly, the over-use of the word "cowardice" being directed towards the decision to pull the showing of the movie. It is not cowardly to implement protective measures when specific and direct threats of life are made, especially when the identity and abilities of the hackers are yet to be determined.
    Take a reality check Darren and co, having to wait a few months for this to be investigated is vastly preferable to innocent deaths.
    And secondly, the lack of understanding of other cultures shown in the list above is baffling. This is simply the continuing jeers of a nation coming around to finally bite people where it hurts - in their entertainment. All this would be a non-event if the target of the movie was a similarly named fictional character, and the film would have lost none of its appeal.

      America and Kim Jung-Un remind me of two nutcases arguing in a lunatic asylum, with Dennis Rodman as the referee.

      Last edited 20/12/14 2:28 am

    When America pushes another country around (usually a smaller, weaker one) it flexes its muscles and struts around proudly. But when a smaller, weaker country pushes America around, there's a huge uproar in the USA. If that isn't the sign of a cowardly bully, then I don't know what is. How come they didn't use Putin, or Xi Jinping, the president of China ?
    Because Americans are cowards. And if an American is reading this and doesn't like the truth, what are you going to do, place sanctions on me ? Your sanctions ain't gonna do shit to stop a Russian ICBM warhead come smashing straight into the Freedom Tower in New York. 'Nuke Americans From Orbit, It's The Only Way To Be Sure'....That would make a pretty good t-shirt don't you think Darren ? Might send you one for Christmas.

    Last edited 20/12/14 2:03 am

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