What the hell, America; I thought we were the land of junk food? I thought we were hot dog heaven. I mean, sure, we didn’t invent pizza, but we damn sure invented Pizza Hut! Delicious but disgusting if you think about it cuisine is what we do best. We are fat for good god-damned reasons, and none of them involve glands. Unless you’re talking about deep-fried glands, which are delicious. Especially when drizzled with mustard. I mean, mustard drizzle! That’s not even an American Pizza Hut option, but now I want it.
Just give me the hot dog pizza! Just put some processed pig and cow parts in that crust and let me shove it in my mouth again and again and again until my arteries rip open from a massive blockage and cholesterol oozes out of my pores like impetigo. Just make it happen, Pizza Hut brain trust, make it happen now!!!!!1!!!one!!!
Crap, I sound like Wagner.