Beat Your Meat In Style With This Ultramodern Tenderiser

Summertime's here in the US, which ushers in months of orgiastic carnivore living. Buy dead things and eat them - it's delicious! Sorry vegetarian friends, grilled eggplant is delicious too. But for the rest of us - this serrated roller will powerfully prep fresh flesh.

The Tender is filled with glass balls, which its designer claims boosts smashing power, and doubles as a metal-toothed smasher along with side-rolling action. Your steak will be brutalised, bashed and stretched until it's ready to dissolve down your gullet. And you'll look a lot classier than you would just taking a mallet to it. We're not neanderthals, after all. [Uutensil via Yanko]


Comments

    Your headline is misleading. Got me all worked up about beating my meat for nothing!

    And yet it does mention tenderising... I'm a little concerned for you!

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