Handy Flowchart Helps Determine If You'll Die This Weekend

If the Bible is correct, Judgment Day is happening this Saturday. How are you supposed to know if you'll be chosen or left behind? Luckily, the knowledgable folks at Peas and Cougars have created this handy chart:

Click to enlarge.

Good news for any of us scheduled to have your unpleasant visit from Aunt Flo this weekend — "unclean" women are in the clear! But if you're fond of cursing, sex, or any other fun stuff ("sins"), your blasphemous arse will be left behind.

[Via Peas And Cougars]


Comments

    Sorry guys, But this is not what the bible says.

    If the Rapture were to happen on any day it says the only qualification is to be a Christian. Also, Sex isn't a sin, and most of the things in the flow chart only apply to Jews (eating pork, doing stuff on a Sunday).

    I understand that this is a joke piece.
    I just feel that a few crazies are making the rest of us look bad (its always the loudest ones that are noticed from any group).

      Agreed. I also think it should be pointed out that this is for the most part fringe eschatology.

      In any case, should the whole thing go into 'Left Behind' territory, it was nice knowing y'all. So long, and thanks for all the fish.

      +1

      It really annoys me when people think Christians are bound by all the old testament rules. Since JC, it's basically just the big two; Love God, Love others. Everything else comes naturally if you're doing those.

        Welcome to the persecution experienced by most muslims!

        Sadly, there are a lot of people clinging, albeit selectively, to the Old Testament rules. Namely, every last Christian who claims that being gay is an "abomination". Having grown up in a Christian household in Mississippi and now having the pleasure of living in Tennessee, the "Don't Say Gay" state, I can tell you that there are a fucking lot of them who claim that.

          Yeah if you pick and choose you can use the bible to say anything

    In Matthew 24:36 it says "no man knows the day or hour" (referring to Christ's return)
    The rapture is actually a point of contention among christian theologians. And the current craze seems to be mostly among non-christians.
    anyways...it was a funny enough flowchart :)

    There is only one verse in the entire bible that can be interpreted as referring to the "rapture" and the meaning of that verse is debatable anyway.
    (Matthew 24:40-42)
    the word "rapture" does not even occur in the bible in this context.
    However, if you are inclined to believe a misunderstanding predicated upon a delusion, then say Hi to the sky man for me.

    On a geekier note, I'm not impressed with the layoutof this flowchart either. Too many terminators.

    Saturday ain't judgement day, a few crazies who added a bunch of numbers together from the bible who think they figured it out have gotten known by claiming the end of the world will be upon us soon.

    Jesus himself said in the bible that even He does not know when the rapture will be, and the rest of the bible backs that up. There is no set date.

    Saying that, I found this quite funny and am looking forward to laughing at the fanatics when the world doesnt end.

      I love this comment: "a few crazies who added a bunch of numbers together from the bible who think they figured it out have gotten known by claiming the end of the world will be upon us soon."

      It pretty much says it all, except the numbers (seemingly of the "out-of-the-cornhole" variety, not even referring to any mentions in the bible or anything) were multiplied in the famous calculation, rather than added. The product of these numbers is being interpreted as the number of days since Jesus' crucifixion, which led to May 21st 2011 as the predicted date.

      Except that they didn't take into account the 10 days that were skipped in 1582 when the Gregorian calendar was introduced, and the correct pattern of leap years was established so that the holy days would remain at the same general time each year.

      So, suppose there actually is going to be a Rapture, and suppose the silly number actually does predict the day it will happen... it wouldn't happen until May 31st. Oops! :)

    Christians crack me up. Actually all religions do. Enjoy your delusional life believing in fairy tales :)

      Couldn't of said it better myself.

      Yep, that's pretty much it.

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