Ah, bless late night infomercials and horny inventors. Because without them, we would not have this list of craptacular fitness paraphernalia.

1. The Push Up Pro

It’s an age old question: Where do you put your hands when doing push-ups? If “the floor” seems like a naive answer, then the Push-up Pro is your salvation. The set of oversized rotating saucepan lids is designed to tone and strengthen your upper body, without expensive workout equipment. Erm… okaaaay. [Push Up Pro via Amazon]

2. ROM – The Four Minute Cross Trainer

More like a medieval torture device than a cross-trainer, this beast promises the ultimate workout in just 4 minutes. All for a lowly $US14,515. But why so expensive? It’s perfectly reasonable, really. In fact, we’ll leave it to the manufacturers, who explain it so succinctly;

“People routinely buy airline tickets for $500 or more where they could have purchased a $200 bicycle to travel the same distance but they decide air travel is cheaper because they get from A to B in a fraction of the time. The same goes for our ROM machine. It gets you from A to B in exactly 4 minutes per day. Not the average of 60 minutes that people spend to get the same or even fewer benefits from exercise. More importantly, people will actually do the 4 minute exercise because it does not take a lot of self-discipline as opposed to having to do 60 minutes of exercise.”

Our logic, precisely. [Fast Exercise]

3. Go Girl

It’s a mask. No, it’s a shoe horn. Nay, it’s a fud! Ladies, rejoice! Thanks to this nifty female urination device, now you can finally pee like a man. Granted, this is more a fitness aide, than a fitness gadget. But just imagine all those long hikes you can take without the much-dreaded bush-squat. As the manufacturers claim; “It’s neat. It’s discreet. It’s hygienic.” It’s peeing in a funnel. [Go Girl]

4. The Osim iGallop

The iGallop lets you tone those pesky lower regions and look like an absolute moron, all within the comfort of your own home. The equestrian simulator features three intensities: trot, gallop and race, while a fourth option randomly switches between the three. As the multi-directional saddle moves, muscles are involuntarily engaged, effectively giving you a full body workout without any conscious exertion. Much like a fit. It’s zero-impact—unless you count falling off the contraption—and ideal for those who don’t mind a dislodged vertebrae or two. Wanky hat sold separately. [Osim]

5. The Shake Weight

Tired of spending gruelling hours in the gym to tone your arms? Fret no longer. The Shake Weight has arrived and it will tone your arms in just six minutes a day. The key, according to its manufacturers, is the principle of “dynamic inertia” to increase the muscle activity in your arm. Simply hold the 5kg beast, turn it on and let it work your hand in a jerking motion. We just have one quick question; does anyone find the Shake Weight suggestive? Because for the life of us, we can’t imagine why. [Shake Weight]

6. The Hawaii Chair

“If You Can Sit, You Can Get Fit, The Hawaii Chair.” With a tagline like that, there’s not much else we can say really. It’s a cushioned seat mounted to an electric motor, which claims to twist your flabby gut into a six pack, while you sit and go about your day. We just don’t know what’s more disturbing; watching people gyrate suggestively on an office chair, or watching people gyrate suggestively on an office chair, as they pretend that it’s perfectly normal to gyrate suggestively on an office chair. Maybe the tagline should be changed to; who needs to have an office affair, when you can pelvic thrust, fully dressed, at your desk. [Hawaii Chair]

Playing With Balls is Gizmodo AU’s week-long look at the technology behind the sports we love, from the jerseys to the balls and everything in between. Go team!