When it comes to children’s entertainment, it’s best not to think too deeply about what you’re watching.
Cars, for example, is a wholesome adventure about racing car Lightning McQueen learning to be a better car. But it also features a car named Mater who runs a junkyard filled with the dead body parts of other cars.
Likewise, Toy Story brings up the horrifying implication that all toys are alive, and that they can die in horrible ways when they’re discarded by owners.
But even these facts are nothing compared to what the story of Minions implies.
While Minions were originally introduced in Despicable Me as cute little servants of Gru with little backstory, the Minions movie spin-off expanded on their history and explained their purpose: to find and serve the most evil person in any given era.
The movie’s first trailer poked fun at this, but also caused a bit of a kerfuffle by including the tidbit that the Minions once served French military leader Napoleon Bonaparte.
Beyond being a fun but horrifying little aside, the montage where the Minions search for a new, evil leader raised major questions about the creatures and their seeming immortality.
They’re depicted as existing as far back as “the beginning of time”, surviving millions of years before Despicable Me even took place. Now, screenwriter Brian Lynch has confirmed on Twitter exactly what the movies imply: that minions are immortal, and they cannot die.
Largely, this fact is used for comedic purposes, but if we look a bit closer it becomes very grim. If, for example, the Minions were anything other than fun, silly creatures looking to cause mayhem and make gibberish jokes, we would all be crushed under their heel. To be clear: this a race of creature with no physical weaknesses and millions of years’ experience preparing for war and committing evil.
While they’re often thwarted by their love for a good prank and their cartoony bad luck, the Minions are still a formidable force, and one we should all love and fear in equal measure.
Sure, it’s thinking far too deeply about a kid’s film to consider what the future would be like if Minions were real, but every part of the sentence “Minions can’t die” is horrifying.
They’ve lived through wars, and participated in them. They’ve seen the rise and fall of empires, and crushed Pharoahs beneath their boots. It’s played for laughs, but the Minions have killed across the ages, and they will kill again.
And the worst part is, you’ll never be able to stop them.
With the revelation of their immortality, the world of Despicable Me just got a whole lot darker.