Bathing in Your Own Filth Has Never Been So Fancy

Bathing in Your Own Filth Has Never Been So Fancy
Image: Kohler

Every year CES sees a plethora of bathroom tech. So good. Some bad. Some just plain weird. But occasionally a product will come along that I will thirst for with every inch of my cold, black heart. This year it’s the Kohler Stillness smart bath and I wish to live in it.

I get it. The term ‘smart bath’ sounds like a trap.

The word ‘smart’ is often whacked onto tech when it has no business being there. You can’t call something ‘smart’ just because you attached a few lights to it.

I approached Kohler Stillness Bath with the same jaded scepticism. But then it slowly began to suck me in.

It helps that Kohler is no stranger to creating extremely extra bathroom tech. At CES 2020 it revealed an Alexa-enabled showerhead speaker. You have to respect that level of gumption.

I ache for the Kohler Stillness Bath

This year it feels like Kohler is personally targeting me and my unhealthy love of baths. While I thought my bath caddy (with built in book and wine glass holder) made me a fancy lady, the company has proven me extremely wrong.

The Stillness Bath is designed for optimal relaxation. While there are four different versions, with varying degrees of tech, I’m going to focus on the high-end one.

This triumph of human will comes with mood lighting, fog generation and an aromatherapy ‘experience tower’. It also doesn’t deal with anything as plebeian as traditional faucets. Instead, the water fills from the bottom of the tub and overflows into a casual wooden moat tat surrounds it.

All of these features can be activated via voice commands.

And if you’re someone who wants the same water level and temperature every time, you can set this up in advance through the accompanying app. Because of course you can.

There’s no word on exactly when it will be hitting the market (or if it will come to Australia) but the most expensive version of the Kohler Stillness smart bath comes in at $US16,000, which is just shy of $21,000.

That’s rather pricey, but that doesn’t make me covet it any less.

It might be called the Stillness Bath, but it has made my heart anything but.

You can take a closer look at it here:

Stay tuned to Gizmodo Australia for all the best, weirdest and coolest tech from CES 2021.