The White House Is Surrounded By an ‘Unscalable’ Fence, But We’re Pretty Sure We Can Take It

The White House Is Surrounded By an ‘Unscalable’ Fence, But We’re Pretty Sure We Can Take It
The fence, which sucks (Photo: Chris McGrath / Staff, Getty Images)

In preparation for whatever follows this contentious election, federal authorities constructed an fenced barricade around the perimeter of the White House, all but ensuring that no one will ever ever extract Donald Trump from his personal Helm’s Deep.

To be clear, we’re talking about a fence surrounding the existing fence that surrounds the White House.

Foolish? Perhaps, especially because the director of Washington, D.C.’s Homeland Security and Emergency Management Agency told CNN that there are no “specific or credible threats for [around] the election.” Still, standard White House fence is crap, and at least seven individuals have made it to the other side, one of which was wearing a Pikachu costume. What makes the new security measures at all different from a standard fence?

Per Curbed:

It’s also known as an “anti-climb” fence, made from a welded wire mesh that’s so tightly woven it’s impossible to get a foothold — and very difficult to cut.

Seems like a job for cleats. Or someone with about three days of parkour experience.

“Look at that pansy-arse wall,” Tom McKay, Gizmodo staff writer, remarked. “I could totally scale that wall. Easy. In six, seven tries. OK, eight max, but no higher.” Science writer Ed Cara similarly added, “I could climb it.” This is the kind of bold, unflinching journalism I’ve come to expect from them, of course.

The new fence is similar to the one erected this summer during the Black Lives Matter protests, and has been generally described as “non scalable,” which we can all agree is a bold claim. While the fence’s fence looks higher than man-height, it also appears less tall than one man standing on another man’s shoulders. Incidentally, this configuration of men is highly susceptible to bullets, a thing carried by the many, many trained individuals who guard said pansy-arse wall.

The Daily Mail has also noticed a “reinforced barrier” at an intersection, which appears to be plywood painted to resemble concrete and like some kinda last-minute school play prop or just a fake arse wall.