Star Trek’s Official Klingon Bloodwine Lets You Get Smashed Like Worf

True warriors practice healthy drinking lifestyles. (Image: CBS)
True warriors practice healthy drinking lifestyles. (Image: CBS)

There is, frankly, a distressing number of official Star Trek boozes out there already, from Scotty scotch to Ten Forward’s most potent offerings. But now for those who don’t want to sup on something made by Federation dogs and get their wine on like a true warrior, the Klingons have entered the fermented grape fray.

TrekCore has got a look at the next two releases in the official Star Trek wine line from Wines That Rock. The first is a Federation Reserve Sauvignon Blanc, a follow up to last year’s Zinfandel released alongside the special Star Trek: Picard tie-in bottles of Chateau Picard’s finest.

But that, like the haughtiest of Starfleet officials, is kind of boring. You’re here for the other 2020 offering, which escapes the dull bonds of Starfleet HQ and heads on over to Qo’noS: it’s none other than the Klingon’s beverage of choice, Bloodwine!

Image: Wines That Rock

It’s never really said in Star Trek if Bloodwine actually has blood in it — we only assume because, well, it’s the Klingons, and that seems suitably extra for them. All we really do know is that they drink it by the barrel-load and it is extremely intoxicating for non-Klingon imbibers, with Captain Janeway once describing it in “The Killing Game, Part II” as being twice as strong as whisky. The official Bloodwine is perhaps not as potentially gross or even as potentially potent: it’s a Cabernet Sauvignon, “cultivated to produce strong flavours that glisten a vibrant ruby colour in the glass.” Of course, a true Klingon is supping out of a nice tankard, but hey, what you gonna do?

While this official Bloodwine might not quite be up to canonical standards, Wines That Rock at least went the extra mile with the bottling process, collaborating with the Klingon Language Institute and the Klingon Assault Group to craft a detailed, wax-sealed red-and-black bottle design that includes all the culturally appropriate Klingon design motifs to make you feel suitably filled with honour as you crack it open (and find yourself looking at a cork with one of four different Klingon proverbs printed on it, fancy!).

All that honour and glory for the Empire comes at a price though: a bottle of the Federation Special Reserve white will set you back $55, while Bloodwine is available now for $70 a pop. Just make sure you’ve got some gagh to go with it — and maybe a cup of raktajino for the morning after, depending on how much you get through.

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