What Do You Do With The Bones?

What Do You Do With The Bones?

Here’s the scenario: you’re supplying bird appendages for a mid-week hot wing eating contest, but the wing restaurant was robbed last night and the thief only took containers and bags. You need to get these wings across town in a flash, but you don’t have anything to carry them in! Your hands? Your mouth? Surely not big enough.

EUREKA! You’ve got a factory fresh Ford Mustang Mach-E in the parking lot. “Just shovel them in, boys!” you shout to the wing jockeys manning the fryer. You’re going to save this wing fest after all!

Ah, but what will this do to the delicate balance of your electric muscle car’s handling? How will it affect your range? Will it give the air coming in through your dash vents the vinegary buttery scent of Frank’s Red Hot? Holy hot damn, I hope so!

But without the styrofoam containers or plastic carry-out bag, what ever will you do with the bones? Where will the left over hard centre of your drummies go when you’ve plucked them dry of poultry meat? And what if you order too many and you’re left with the cold leftovers of a large contest in the bottom of your frunk? Is there a microwave big enough to warm up the whole car? Oh right, don’t put metal in the science oven!

You should probably write to Ford and let them know that you, a Mach-E customer, would appreciate an integrated ranch and bleu cheese dressing dispenser. I can’t even fathom how embarrassing it would be to have that problem solved by the aftermarket!

I wasn’t completely sold on Ford’s new Mustang Mach-E, but by proving you can pack the frunk with a few hundred pounds of cocktail shrimp, I have no choice but to stan.

Oh fuck. I just had a thought. WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE TAILS?