Humans can be wonderful. We can also be gross, horny, and prone to abusing any type of power given to us. Like, for instance, the ability to create Roku screensavers.
While most Roku screensavers are your typical fare of cute baby animals and scenic landscapes, some are decidedly more questionable. That’s because Roku is also a publishing platform, and anyone can upload streaming channels or screensavers via Roku’s developer SDK. So if one were to peruse the available screensaver channels, you’d also find a lot of butts. I mean, a lot of butts.
The odd screensaver options were initially spotted by Nicole He, a game developer, on Twitter. (She’s since created her own Roku screensaver comprised of screenshots of other available screensavers.) Gizmodo reached out to Roku, asking whether or not the service had any specific guidelines in place with regard to user-generated channels. A spokesperson emailed back, saying “Screensavers follow the same guidelines as streaming channels” and provided a link to Roku’s developer overview. Prodding around the site, there’s plenty about the actual how-tos of creating and monetising, your own streaming channel—but nothing about what sort of content is or isn’t allowed. Gizmodo asked for further clarification on Roku’s guidelines, and we’ll update if we hear back.
So as you already know, butts are on the table. As are boobs for your boob tube, boobs with beer, and vaguely soft-core fetish stuff. And all of it is mixed in right next cute puppies, kitties, and random Bible quotes set over landscapes. In any case, I spent a good chunk of my afternoon just scrolling through all the possible screensavers and here are some shining examples of why we can’t have nice things.
Not just any kind of butt. Brazilian butts.
Why you do this? Also, 53 people have rated this channel. I dare not think how many more downloaded it without rating it.
You Can’t Afford This
Beer and Breast
I don’t know why there’s only one breast in the title but most of the photos included in the channel clearly show two breasts, as god intended.
Sexy Tan Lines
It was the year of our lord 2019 when I learned that tan lines can be sexualized.
Sexy Feet Screensaver
“From the publishers of Beautiful Butts and Beautiful Butts.”
Mary Jane Screensavers
The act of browsing Roku’s screensaver channels is like shopping for women’s Halloween costumes. Everything will be sexy, whether you want it to be or not.
“Taste the fruit of every tree in the garden at least once. It is an insult to creation not to experience it fully. Temperance is wickedness.” This is either the thirstiest description of fruit, or a metaphor for things that are not fruit. Someone be brave and report back.
Asian Wisdom Screensaver
This channel is the fortune cookie of screensavers, there’s a lot to unpack here. Why is it Asian Wisdom but only Chinese proverbs and culture? Why…this font? Why does two of the screensavers feature a quote of Chinese proverb on a backdrop of Japanese lanterns and Japanese torii gates?
Robert E Lee Screensaver
In case you’re all yee-haw and miss the Confederacy, I guess.
Anyway, there were many more questionable channels that I did not include—but feel free to take a gander for yourself. Yours truly is going to bleach her eyeballs and then log off.