Halloween is today and if you’ve been busy with life, we’re swooping in to lend a hand with costume ideas.
They’re pretty shit costumes mind you, but if you’re pushed for time because you weren’t more organised, you can forget knocking out a cosplay-level ensemble. If you’re a regular person this hodge podge will have to do.
Of course, part of the charm of last-minute costumes is the haste with which they’re thrown together, so just focus on your hair and makeup, and let us do the hard work of rounding up ideas for you.
You’re going to be out partying all night and possibly crashing at someone’s house afterwards, so why make do with a cold, bare, sofa, when you can bring your bed with you? This is a legit costume suggested by our editor Tom, who donned a sleeping bag for one of his own spooky shenanigans. If you already have a sleeping bag on hand, this one takes absolutely no effort whatsoever save for fastening it around your midriff with a belt, string, or a load of tape. Embrace the shabby chic as you would with your own festival sleeping bag.
Technically this is a Solid Snake costume, but a super easy version. Cardboard box disguises are a staple of the Metal Gear Solid series – as much as big red exclamation points – so if you’re after a quick and dirty video game-themed costume, you’ll be hard pushed to find anything as fuss-free as this. Ferret out a large cardboard box kicking about, upend it – leaving the mess for someone else to worry about – crouch down, and lower it over yourself. Job done. If you have the luxury of a few extra minutes, you can add some finishing touches by scrawling ‘Orange Box’ on the side, and if you have some camo trousers, you’re basically at pro cosplayer level.
The great thing about a ghost costume is that you can either throw on a bedsheet, cut out some eye holes, and do the more traditional interpretation of a spirit who’s passed over, or just phone it in and dab a bit of powder or flour on your face so that you look a scooch under the weather – you have just died, after all. Our preference is to find a crappy old set of bedsheets to go down the traditional route.
The Mummy is a classic movie monster and as long as you have a toilet roll on hand, you can knock up this costume in a matter of minutes. Ideally you’ll want white toilet paper and a white outfit to layer it over the top of, unless you’re a total lunatic and want to go as a blue, peach, or possibly scented Mummy infused with aloe vera. Just take some long pieces and wrap them around your extremities – and the rest of you – until you’re either out of paper, or your transformation is complete.
The Invisible Man
Traditionally, the ensemble for the Invisible Man includes a coat, hat, sunglasses, and a bandaged up face, and could be fairly easily put together with the use of some toilet paper (again), and a quick rifle through your winter wardrobe. However, if you’re missing components, or are feeling extra lazy/ rushed, there’s always an alternative. This ingenious costume is a two-parter, and is perfect for homebodies who don’t want to stay out all night. Just pop on a nametag with ‘The Invisible Man’ written on it, and when you’ve had enough of the festivities, stick the tag on a chair and bugger off. Everyone will think your powers have kicked in and you can head off to bed early. Voila!
Think cereal killer rather than your bog standard psycho. This one is an oldie but goodie, and you can vary the intensity of the costume depending on the contents of your cupboard – you just need at least three cereal boxes to qualify, and maybe a toy knife – although a bit of fake blood and a determined look in your eye is just as good.
Affix a selection of cereal boxes to yourself, splash a bit of fake blood on your face (someone will have some on hand – it is Halloween after all), pick up a plastic knife from a party shop if you have the time or inclination (although if you’re here looking at these terrible costume ideas, you probably have neither), and you’re good to go. Alternatively, if you only have a single, full-size cereal box in your kitchen, cut out a face hole and pop it on your head for the same general effect.
All you need for this one is a plaid shirt, jeans, and a bit of makeup. It’s also contingent on owning or borrowing a straw hat, which you can pick up from the likes of Primark if you get stuck and need to pop out to buy one. Then just slap on some makeup to make your mouth look puckered and framed by stitches, swipe a bit of rogue on your cheeks and nose for a sun-baked glow, and Bob’s your uncle. You can kick the creepy up a notch if you have any sacking lying around. Just slice a breathing hole and a couple more for your eyeballs, and slip it over your head to go from cute to nightmare-inducing.
As easy as slapping on some bright yellow face-paint and proclaiming that you’re the entire range of facial expression emoji would be, that idea runs the risk of being horribly misconstrued, leading to all sorts of problems you didn’t intend or ask for, so we’re opting for the more innocuous kind, like the shrug, facepalm, etc emoji. Just make sure you pop the corresponding top colour on and fashion your hair into something resembling the emojis, and strike a pose at intervals throughout the night.
Online tech journalist
Working for an online publication generally means you can ditch the usual office attire for something comfy that looks remarkably like your laundry day outfit. Have a root around in your cupboard for some jeans, a hoodie, and a pair of trainers, stick on a lanyard if you have one lying around with the name of your favourite publication on it, and you’ll pass unnoticed amongst the nerd herd.
If you own a top with some kind of pop culture reference on it, you get bonus points. In the event that you really can’t be arsed, upgrade your costume to remote online tech journalist, and don some leisurewear that borders on pyjamas instead.
We’ve really scraped the bottom of the barrel here when it comes to minimal effort and expenditure, and it’ll show, but as with everything this terrible, you can play it off as some ironic hipster bullshit and wow your friends with your faux calculated nonchalance.