It’s been established already that between her time as Pepper Potts just devolving into a series of extended cameos and her busy time peddling extremely questionable “wellness” merchandise to women, Gwyneth Paltrow just can’t remember where she actually shows up in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. But that apparently isn’t the only thing she can’t remember.
It’s been a little more than a month since it was announced that Goop, the controversial lifestyle brand of actress Gwyneth Paltrow, settled a false advertising lawsuit over scientifically unproven claims about its vaginal quartz and jade eggs — you may remember the ones.
Hot off of completely forgetting that she shot scenes for Spider-Man: Homecoming as revealed during an episode of Jon Favreau’s Netflix cooking series, Gwyneth Paltrow is back at it with the not recognising people and things from movies she’s appeared in on and off over the course of the last decade.
The latest victim of her Marvel Cinematic Amnesia? Poor Sebastian Stan.
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Just barely managed to photobomb the great @pppiccioli and legend @realmrvalentino here... Thank you both for inviting me to my first couture show in ????????????????????. Also glad I got to reintroduce myself to @gwynethpaltrow for the third time. We are in the same film...????????♂️ #valentino #couture ????: @maxmontingelli
Stan recently took to Instagram with a picture of himself within the rough proximity of Gwyneth Paltrow — an area we shall refer to henceforth as “The Goop Zone” — to lament that he has now re-introduced himself to Paltrow three times, despite the fact they’ve appeared in multiple Marvel movies together.
Hell, one of those times involved her talking to him at the Infinity War premiere and immediately forgetting his existence:
GWENYTH PALTROW REALLY ASKED HER PUBLICIST WHO SEBASTIAN STAN WAS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE INFINITY WAR PREMIERE JDKDKSJDJD PLEASE HELP ME pic.twitter.com/VXPu93rbNp
— A (@fierysadness) June 7, 2019
Which, ouch. Sure, they don’t share scenes with each other in Infinity War and are only within a vague proximity in Avengers: Endgame again — the outer Goop Zone, if you will.
But, as Vulture notes, Stan is not the only Marvel alumni to have entered the Goop Zone and come out the other side unremembered. While wishing a happy birthday to Robert Downey Jr. — who, thankfully, she does remember — with a picture of herself, Downey and Spider-Man himself, Tom Holland, she simply referred to Holland as "That other guy in the photo":
A playful joke from our Gwyneth, you might think. But apparently not: On separate occasions Tom Holland has lamented that Paltrow doesn’t actually remember meeting him or appearing in his movies:
So the question arises: What does Gwyneth Paltrow recall from her time in these movies?
The evidence seems to suggest that it is very specifically Iron Man 1 through 3, and then just a general assumption that everything beyond that has been a cameo for a different Iron Man movie.
Given her move from regularly recurring star to basically being a cameo in the recent Marvel films — hell, and apparently signing up to appear in some of them before things get cut — it’s kind of a safe bet for Gwyneth to assume that, when in doubt, it’s probably a movie about Iron Man that she’s in.
But, she has to know that that all-lady-teamup in Endgame was for something that wasn’t an Iron Man movie, right? She didn’t meet Stan or Holland during the filming of that whole final battle? Brushed shoulders at a premiere beyond the one she promptly forgot them at? Looked to her left or right at that giant class photo Marvel took to see that other people were there?
I can only come to the conclusion that, to Gwyneth Paltrow at least, the Marvel Cinematic Universe is essentially just 100 per cent Robert Downey Jr., and then occasionally Jon Favreau shows up. Everything else just exits her mind immediately. Which, honestly, given the context of her character? Kind of a fair assumption to make!
I dunno, maybe Goop has some healing rocks Gwyneth could use to rejuvenate her memory. Some mantras she could do? A printed copy of the Marvel Cinematic Universe wiki she could have read to her, mid-energy-balancing-sticker-application? There must be something.