Sometimes we have to read a press release three times to check we’re not making it up. Just a few short years ago, the idea of talking to your tech seemed futuristic and cool, and now here we are writing about a bog with Alexa in it.
The Numi 2.0 Intelligent Toilet has a heated seat, built-in speakers (for MUSIC, you understand, not to broadcast your sploshes to the world), “personalised cleansing and dryer functions” (the ‘personalised’ part of this gives us the willies, quite frankly), and interactive multi-coloured ambient lighting for that disco turd feeling.
All of which leaves us wondering: how long are people planning to spend on this thing?!
Manufacturer Kohler says the toilet offers “a fully-immersive experience,” which is absolutely not something we want from a toilet. Ever.
If you can get past the humanitarian aspect of locking Alexa in a shitter forever, you’ll have access to all her skills, so you can listen to the news with your poos. We suspect there’s some fun to be had with the fart skill as well.
You can use Alexa to control the functions of the toilet, but again, this is absolutely not something we want. We have zero desire to say “Alexa, wash my bum” or “Alexa, flush again, there’s still a bit left.”
If you’ve always dreamed of your own toilet servant, though, the Numi 2.0 will be available this year. You’ll have to spend more than a penny: The Verge reports that the standard edition of the toilet costs $US7,000 and the black one (fewer skid marks, we guess) is $US9,000.
Alexa, turn the lights off, we need a lie down.