You're An Orphan With A Giant Onion Head, Mr. Grinch

How does that kid keep himself upright? Image: Illumination (YouTube)

The tagline for this latest Grinch trailer is, fittingly: "It's never too early to be annoyed at Christmas." I'd beg to differ, Hollywood! Although, considering how this trailer has left me annoyed at everything it is, does, and represents — mission accomplished. Also, Cindy Lou-Who is now a gang leader.

The second trailer is here for The Grinch, Illumination's latest Dr. Seuss debacle starring Benedict Cumberbatch as the titular Christmas-stealing weirdo, clearly recovering from a tragic childhood of being literally the only person living at the local orphanage of death. However, his schemes are less "let's stop Christmas from coming" and more "I'm gonna lounge around in my underwear cheating at chess games with my dog." This Grinch is kind of lazy, and also really, really stupid. And again: Why does he wear fur pants? 

The plot description shows how much this story has been changed from the original, and oh boy are you in for a treat. Remember how Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas was a heartwarming tale of an isolated grump who learns to be kind after spending a few moments talking with a sweet little girl? Well, Illumination said screw that noise. Cindy Lou-Who is now a criminal! Apparently her mission, should she choose to accept it, is to recruit her gang of friends and kidnap Santa Claus so she can, and I quote, "thank him for help for her overworked single mother." I wonder what shenanigans this will lead to, as she'll actually end up kidnapping the Grinch. Golly!

That sound you're hearing is my heart shrinking three sizes today. I officially hate Christmas, mostly because I want to stop this movie from coming.

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