I Don’t Want To Be Good At Maths

I Don’t Want To Be Good At Maths

Video: Not if it means this…

NOPE. GIF: YouTube

The child remembers the time before the Changes came. Cars didn’t groan under his unholy weight. He didn’t see a cursed hell-slab staring back at him from the mirror. The compulsion to add up kilojoules for an entire month’s worth of meals was something he couldn’t even imagine. Now, it keeps his misshapen muscular frame tossing and turning through the night, factorials twitching through his brain.

Where are his friends? Are they safe? Have the men in black vans been chasing them too? What city was he even in? If Johnny hopped on a train going east at 110km per hour at 4:00AM, then spends an hour dodging trainyard security to jump on another freight carrier heading south at 130km per hour, then he’s in… Oh God, the maths. The maths never leaves. To think, he’d dreamed of life an an architect. Now he was something science spat on. Maths made him. Maths damned him.

“I should have just taken D&T,” he thinks, breaking the surface of the water where he’s been holding his breath for exactly 2.758906532 minutes.

(Note: I’m sure Mathnasium is great.)

[via Twitter]