Hi, parent of two children under five here. I stink of vomit, poo and stale urine. I'm on four hours sleep right. Children are a treasure.
Christmas is coming. It's the most wonderful time of the year, right? Maybe it will be if you buy me something to either satiate the demons barking and biting at my feet, or give me that sweet, sweet hour of respite during those insanely long, never ending Christmas holidays.
Welcome to the Gizmodo Gift Guide for poor buggers with children.
This Gizmodo Gift Guide is brought to you by Nerf, which continues to bring fans the blasting power, distance, speed and accuracy they crave, like the Accustrike Raptorstrike, Modulus Regulator, Doomlands The Judge and Zombiestrike Dreadbolt!
Look, I'm putting this bang at the top of the list. Because I have a Nintendo Switch and it's the greatest thing you can give to a parent. Especially a parent that's into video games.
There's multiple reasons for this.
Reason #1: It's a great console that already has an incredible suite of amazing video games. The two best games of 2017 are on it (Zelda: Breath of the Wild and Super Mario Odyssey).
Reason #2: It's a great way for adults with kids to milk additional gaming time. It can be connected to the TV when kids are sleeping and played as a portable when they're awake and demanding the TV so they can watch Moana for the 300th time. Also — public transport baby!
Reason #3: It's actually a very child friendly console, with neat small controllers and a great set of games that work well for kids.
Nerf Doomlands The Judge
I had a mess around with The Judge earlier this year and it's just so dramatic. It's fun and hilariously oversized and just a bizarre thing to surprise your kids with.
Just don't be too upset when you find a Nerf dart in your cornflakes or something. Those things get everywhere.
The hours after your kids have gone to sleep is magic time. Those hours are yours to spend. Often they're spent cleaning up the mess they left in your living room, but there are moments when you finally get to sit down and unwind.
That's when a decent pair of headphones comes in handy.
It's not that you want to drown out the sounds of your children screaming themselves awake, so your other half hears first and has to respond. It's just... uh. Alright, that's exactly what it is. It's a bold strategy and it's paid off for me on more than one occasion.
I've been using the Astro A10s. Pretty nice set of headphones. Crucially, they don't look too weird when I wear them on the way to work on public transport either.
I mean realistically, at this point, most people have access to a Netflix subscription — but you can't go past this. I honestly have no idea how I would have survived the last four years without Netflix.
Video on demand is obviously awesome and the way most of us consume television at the moment, but it's also a great service for kids. Our set-up at home is pretty simple, my wife and I have our own profiles, but we also have a kids profile for our four-year-old with a passcode required for PG content and above.
It works great. And also, as someone with decent internet and a new 4KTV, I am extremely enjoying the high quality of all the Netflix originals.
So there you have it. That's what I think parents would like for Christmas. Am I wrong? Drop any further suggestions in the comments below.