That Guy Who Thinks He Owns The Moon Is So Screwed

That Guy Who Thinks He Owns The Moon Is So Screwed
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Yesterday, we learned that the FAA is gearing up to start licensing business on the moon. And while this can mean any number of things for the aerospace community at-large, for Dennis M. Hope of Gardnerville, Nevada, it means one thing and one thing alone: Dennis is screwed.

This is because Dennis, as the head of the Lunar Embassy Commission, owns the moon. He’s owned the moon since 1980, when he discovered that he had the power to make things true simply by saying them out loud. Although, to be fair, Dennis did file a statement of ownership with the United Nations — he just never heard back.

None of that matters now, though, cause if the FAA has its way, Dennis’ statement will be meaningless. According to yesterday’s Reuters report, the FAA’s regulation “doesn’t mean there’s ownership on the moon.” But with a government body attempt to regulate the comings and goings, Dennis loses his infallible “but no one’s stopping me!” line of reasoning. Even if the FAA loses out to some broader international effort in the future, chances are slimmer than ever that Dennis will have a seat at the table.

We’ve reached out to Dennis for comment on the matter and asked whether or not he plans to protest the FAA’s outlandish commandeering of his hard-earned moon rock. We’ll update the minute we hear back.