Meet Peter. Peter has been sentenced to a three-year jail term this week. Why? Because he sent unsolicited photos of his junk to women after stealing their phone numbers from his work database. It's believed he's the first to be jailed for unsolicited sexting. Guys, it's time to talk about your dick pics.
Before we get to the problem, let me tell you a little story. Stay with me on this.
So my mum is kind of a paranoid woman. She just wants me to be safe, of course, but that leads to lecture after lecture about not talking to strangers, not accepting drinks from people you don't know and putting on a jumper when I'm "making her cold".
I remember this one lecture she gave my sister and I when we were quite young after a story started spreading around the neighbourhood. There was a "flasher" about.
You remember flashers, right? Guys in big trenchcoats with nothing on underneath who'd presumably get their jollies from walking up to others in public places and opening said coat to reveal nothing underneath, just for a flash. And like that, the flasher would disappear.
It's a slightly antiquated concept in 2014, but way back in 1999 before you could get a photo of someone's junk with a few strokes of a keyboard, it was a salient concern for parents in our neighbourhood.
I tell that story for this reason: if you're the type of guy who wants to send photos of his unit/junk/package/wang/whatever the kids are calling it these days to other people over the internet without an invitation, you're the 21st-century equivalent of a flasher.
I hear stories all the time from female friends on Tinder, for example, who have guys open the conversation with a mix of "DTF?!" (which means 'down to f*ck', for those playing at home), and a picture of their junk either in a profile pic or sent via a cheeky message.
For the love of all that is holy: don't do that.
I know why you might think it's appropriate to send a dick pic. It's alluring and almost primal to think that if you send a photo of what you think is an impressive package to another person you quite fancy, that they'll come right over and touch your eruption button without hesitation.
I'm here to tell you that you're not impressing anyone: more often than not, it's a huge turn-off and massively uncomfortable. More importantly, it's sexual harassment at arm's length.
Peter was sentenced to nine counts of misusing a carriage service, which is the same law the courts will do you under for misbehaviour online: anything from bullying someone online right through to sending unsolicited photos of your junk to someone you want to "get with" gets you in trouble if the person you're targeting decides to go to the cops.
Legal ramifications aside, what is it about the penis you think will photograph well? I mean, have you seen one in the context of a sext or a dick pic lately? It looks like a veiny, droopy alien with a bad fro haircut.
Whether it's on Snapchat, Tinder, Grindr, Slingshot, Bolt or even just over a text/iMessage, you shouldn't send a dick pic unless someone asks you for it. Otherwise, you're a 21st-century flasher on a one-way trip to the slammer.
Sexting guy image via Shutterstock