Well, this could change things. Apparently there's a secret method to drinking alcohol without getting drunk. All you have to do is eat some yeast before you drink. Seriously. Line your stomach with a teaspoon of yeast for every beer you plan to drink and you'll be able to drink all night without acting like a damn fool.
The advice comes from Jim Koch, that cheery dude you see with a beer in his hand in all those Sam Adams commercials. He told Esquire that he learned the trick to eat active yeast from a master brewer friend who also had a PhD in biochemistry. Esquire explains:
You see, what Owades knew was that active dry yeast has an enzyme in it called alcohol dehydrogenases (ADH). Roughly put, ADH is able to break alcohol molecules down into their constituent parts of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen. Which is the same thing that happens when your body metabolizes alcohol in its liver. Owades realised if you also have that enzyme in your stomach when the alcohol first hits it, the ADH will begin breaking it down before it gets into your bloodstream and, thus, your brain.
The yeast -- an active yeast like Fleischmann's would do -- helps lessen the effects of alcohol and acts as a buffer for your liver. Result: You can drink more!
I'm not sure why a sane person with the ability to drink liquid would want to prevent themselves from getting drunk but I guess there are scenarios where this could be useful: a work event, a first date, your daughter's wedding, your own wedding, if you're a super lightweight, if you like the taste of alcohol more than the effect of it, if you don't like fun, etc.
Anyway. Esquire tried it and says it works. I'll have to see for myself.