The Moto X leaves a terrific first impression. It's well-built, it's fast, it comes in a variety of trims. On the one hand, it exudes the kind of class that you'd expect from mature, seasoned companies like Google and Motorola. On the other hand, dick jokes. UPDATED
Above is a section of the Moto X's branding home on the world wide web, devoted to letting young women everywhere know that the Moto X is available in pink, meaning it will fit right alongside your heteronormative collection of sparkly hats and bedazzled sunglasses and, I dunno, a yo-yo? Sure! You know, girl stuff. This is problematic in and of itself. But then your eye drifts to the upper right hand corner, wherein you encounter your first Moto X dick joke:
Is bigger really better? You decide. (16 or 32GB)
Get it? Because dicks. Which, fine, that happens. But it probably shouldn't happen underneath a title that says Feminine Mystique. And judging by the accoutrement on display below, it's targeted at a girl who's about 12 years old and just came home from the state fair. Which is also, you know, not ok.
That's the worst offender, sure, but it doesn't stop there! Motorola has more dick jokes at its disposal, and it will tweet them at you.
Do you understand? Motorola literally has wood, which is to say both that its Moto X superphone comes in a wooden veneer and that the collective Motorola has a singular erection. If we tell you enough dick jokes, the SVP of Mobile Branding whispers softly in your ear canal, will you buy our phone? It has 2GB RAM. Wait! There is probably a dick joke I can make about RAM.
Dick jokes not your speed? Don't worry! Motorola is also deploying more advanced catchphrase-based humour in pursuit of your pocket.
Layered! On the one hand, you should have sex instead of touching your phone, or better yet use your phone while having sex because of the Moto X's fabulous voice control! Also: No touching necessary is what she said, because she either did not want to have sex with you or because you made her orgasm just by looking at her (through the camera app on your new Moto X). Don't think too hard, just go with it. Wait a minute... THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
There is nothing wrong with having a little fun. There is nothing wrong with using dick jokes to sell your products, especially if you are selling Mellow Yellow or the WWE. But the cognitive dissonance that's created by advertising a phone for women with a dick size joke is jarring, as is watching a company that needs desperately to be taken seriously for once crack jokes that wouldn't fly outside of Bunk 17 at Camp Wannalaheya.
The Moto X is $US200 on contract at any major carrier.
Carrier?, giggles the SVP of Mobile Branding, placing his last ounce of Skoal squarely between cheek and jaw. I barely knew her.
Update: Hey, look at that! Motorola has already edited its Feminine Mystique page to scrub any trace of dick joke. Instead, there's... well... there's this:
<!— // Flagged contact info: Playing Goldilocks is probably better than what was there, given that the items on this page are clearly tween-centric and you shouldn't hold a dick joke too close to an open tween. But it's still pretty darned infantilizing! [h/t @Panzer] —> Update 2: Oh hey look again! Moto's also ditched the "That's what she said" joke from its homepage:
<!— // Flagged contact info: You should still, though, talk to your phone while you're having sex with your partner. Just so we're clear. [h/t @mat] —>