Burger King Has Invented A 'Hands-Free Burger Holder', Signalling The End Of Humanity's Achievements

We had a pretty good run, folks. Humanity invented some pretty awesome stuff. We figured out how to harness electricity, we split the atom and we're even closer than ever to understanding the origins of the universe. All of that is for nought now, though: Burger King has just called a halt on all scientific achievements from here on out with the invention of the hands-free Whopper holder. Stop the planet. I want to get off.

According to Buzzfeed (words I hoped to never write), these hands-free burger holders were given to 50 loyal Burger King customers recently.

The contraption is basically a plastic holster for a burger that you strap around your neck like one of those harmonica holders talented people use.

Let's be honest: it's a nosebag filled with burgers designed for the lowest common denominator. Ugh. The ad is so upsetting. I hope it's a joke because it makes me sad in my pants. [Buzzfeed]