The 9 Most Ridiculous Moments Of The Apple Vs Samsung Trial

The arguments in the Apple vs Samsung patent showdown jamboree finally ended yesterday. That means we're finally coming to a resolution -- or at least a breather until the appeals process begins.

It's been a complicated, convoluted and often absurd ride. So while we wait for the jurors to come back with a verdict, let's take a stroll through the trial's goofiest moments. There were lots of 'em.

First, your honour, I'm not smoking crack.

After Judge Koh received a 75-page briefing from Apple, dealing with 22 witnesses that Apple might call to disprove Samsung's claims, we got this sans-social-cues exchange:

Judge Koh: "Unless you're smoking crack you know these witnesses aren't going to be called!" Apple attorney William Lee: "First, your honour, I'm not smoking crack. I can promise you that."

And then everyone set themselves on fire.


11:13 a.m.: Samsung's lawyer asks if Schiller has heard the iPhone home button as the belly button.

"The kids refer to it as the bellybutton," he said. "It's an innie."

Schiller said he hadn't heard that.


The Boss

At least they didn't go with a Bob Dylan/Beatles medley?

The Galaxy Nexus Sucks So Leave Us Alone

Samsung claimed, basically, that its sales of the Galaxy Nexus were so minuscule, that it was not a direct competitor for the iPhone. Or if it was a direct competitor, it was a really terrible one that should be ignored.

Okay maybe that one's less ridiculous than it is kinda sad?

iPad or Galaxy Tab?

It remains unclear at what point Apple contends the customers, like, read the box.

Keeping Old Phones Old

The jury will have every single phone in question during deliberation, which has made Judge Koh very concerned that they're going to fiddle with them. It's to ensure that only the original software designs are compared, but it's much more fun to imagine Juror #7 installing custom ROMs to play Pokémon.


Before listening to closing arguments, the jury had to sit through 84 pieces of instructions over 109 pages, read to it by Judge Koh. It... took... forever.

All Together Now

All of the jurors have to agree on a number. An exact number. Which they have to pencil in on a Xeroxed court document. If one is off by a penny? Hung jury.

This, Basically

And here is this whole absurd trial distilled down to its essence, which is so very fun and stupid because look at all those dumb names ugh. They left out my personal favourite, the S Galaxy Spacerocket XXLMIII of Windsor.



    It's like a bitter divorce battle in court. Shit gets real nasty and petty. Fighting over the smallest things.

    Still, Samsung are idea stealing hacks and deserve everything they get. (is there a trollface emoticon?....nope?.....there should be)

      EVERYONE steals - does not make them a hack.

      If you are able to absorb the ideas in this, the first 3 parts are good also.

      Here's "the man", in a rare moment of truth: note the words "steal" and "shameless"

        Not sure if trolling, or did not get James' post...

      Took me a second there... a /sarc would have been more efficient... :P

    the only winners are the lawyers.......

      ... and the company that WINS

    Makes me wonder if you read the article
    Posted on IGN 1 hour before your story.

    Still interesting though and your story is better.

    So, if I'm alseep, I'm not alive? Unless I sleep walk?

    "Good artists copy. Great artists steal and we have always been shameless about stealing great ideas." -Steve Jobs 1994. Nuff said really

      Um that was Picasso actually... epic #FAIL on your part

        So Picasso added that bit on the end about being shameless about stealing great ideas?

        Um that was Jobs actually... epic #FAIL on your part

        Uh no, Pretty certain Picasso didn't say he was shameless etc. Epic fail on your troll attempt. Now go shuffle off back under your bridge trollie mctrollalot.

        "Picasso had a saying, he said 'good artists copy, great artists steal' and we have always been shameless about stealing great ideas." - Apple founder Steve Jobs, 1994.

        It's a strange statement from a man who would later go on to pioneer so many innovations that his competitors were forced to steal from him or risk being deserted by their customers.

          Steve Jobs quote video, in his own words.

          Comparison of iPhone 4, Samsung Galaxy S (the so-called rip off, which isn't even the same size. Trade dress my ass.) and HTC Desire (just a sexy phone, for it's day)

          I call bullshit on the rip off claim, I accept that ALL tech companies REMIX what others do with what they've learnt so they can continually improve their lines.

          Because he never really innovated. He pioneered the refinement of existing technology and tested concepts into a very useable, workable, consumer friendly platform.

    Weird that the jury decides the amount of recompense, I always assumed the judge got to do that. Imagine if the jurors got to decide on the length of a prison sentence in a criminal proceeding.

    Ian is correct, that IS a Steve Jobs quote. Jobs was paraphrasing a quote by Picasso, (amongst others who have said extremely similar quotes), and he added the part about stealing great ideas.

    FAIL on your part, Bill!

    Aw hell,

    I just got jury duty for the first time (in Northern California as well), if it's a tech patent trial I'm going to have to bring my flask (or a water bottle full of vodka depending on metal detectors).

      Alexa, check out youtube for instructional on how to boil a water bottle to remove the cap with the security ring, fill it with vodka and recap it so it looks unopened. Happy Juroring!

    Judge Koh sounds like a champ.

Join the discussion!