Here’s Your Government-Sponsored Christmas Tree Fire Disaster Video


Your Christmas tree will delight and comfort your family this year — unless it ignites and kills them all in a massive inferno. It probably won’t happen, but the Consumer Product Safety Commission wants to show you what it’s like.

As you know, Christmas trees are made out of tree, and trees, like all plants, can dry out. Most plants, however, don’t have an enormous string of cheap Chinese electrical wiring draped around them — so the Christmas tree is a hidden bomb inside your house. Do you hear it? Tick. Tick. Tick. The CPSC recommends having a designated “tree waterer” to make sure yours doesn’t turn into a house-destroying explosion shrub. Probably a good idea! That’ll keep it pretty too.

But danger isn’t just for gentiles — oh no. For those of you celebrating Hanukkah, your menorah could also blow your abode off the face of the map. Just watch the video — candles can ignite, were you aware? With that in mind, don’t put your menorah directly next to curtains, or a stack of hay, or inside a chamber with pure oxygen pumped into it. Have a safe and hellfire-free holiday season, my friends. [CPSC]