7 Tools For Being Really, Really Creepy

7 Tools For Being Really, Really Creepy

Summer’s coming, Which means you’re going to be surrounded by friends. And strangers. And strangers who might someday be friends. Oh, but what if they won’t? Let’s creep ’em out.

Midnight Shot Camera

People think they’re safe in the dark. They think they’re private. They’re not. Use the tiny Midnight Shot camera to snap infrared pictures from the shadows. People who think they’re not being watched. Oh, but they are. You’re never safe in the infrared spectrum. And then email them the photo. That’d be nice and creepy, now wouldn’t it? $US150.[imgclear]

Prosthetic Moustache

Before we go any further, let’s make sure you look the part. Do you have a creepy mustache? Like a really creepy one? One that would get shocked looks, and keep you from being invited to birthday parties? No? That’s OK — pick up one of these fakes for cheap. Nice and bristly. ‘Stache man. Or ‘stache woman. $US10.[imgclear]

Hawaiian Shirt

Pick up this shirt too. Imagine someone wearing this shirt and a fake ‘stache. That’d be real good and creepy. $US12.[imgclear]

Professional Voice Changer

Leaving voicemails is a lot of fun. “Hello, I’d like to smell your hair atop Mount Everest. I’m drawing a picture of you with crayons. Goodnight.” That’s a fun message to leave. But if they find out it’s you, all the fun’s over! So mask your voice like a professional with the Professional Voice Changer. Tone, gender, pitch, octave and reverb are all adjustable, and there are 50 presets you can save, for your 50 different personalities. $US550.[imgclear]

Celestron Binoculars

These Celestron binoculars have a 15x zoom, but more importantly, a tripod mount. You’ll need it for those Overnight Peek Parties. $US60.[imgclear]

Magic Ear

Now what happens if you meet a friend while being a creep? A friend you want to be around all the time. You want to hear everything they say. You want to hear them cough, and sneeze, and hum, and dream. Oh, but they mustn’t see you! Then all the fun would be over. The Magic Ear gives you a 50-decibel boost, for pinpointed eavesdropping. What’s that? You love me back? $US40.[imgclear]

Top photo: Christophe Testi/Shutterstock