I'm perfectly happy watching the footy snuggled up on the couch, but we know there are heaps of you out there who absolutely have to be in the stadium and wouldn't have it any other way. The atmosphere, the yelling, the drunken fans, the overpriced beer... hey, it's all part of the experience! Here's everything you need — some more than others — to make the most of the NRL and AFL grand finals this weekend.
If there's one thing better than seeing sweaty, buff guys tackle each other in short shorts from the stands, it's watching them in 3D. Sony's 3D binoculars take 7.1MP photos, 3D video and full HD video for glorious playback that lets you relive the whole thing. They're technically not available until November, but find a pair that looks like these and pretend they're the real thing... Approximately $2000.
Footy isn't footy without beer. Attach two to your head and keep your fists free for shaking at dropped balls. You'll also manage to look like you just came from work at a construction site. Or Bob the Builder. What an amazing bonus. $13.
So you've got two beers already on your head, but of course that's not going to be enough to last you the entire match. Crumpler doesn't provide any pictures of the inside of this backpack, but the fact that it's called "Beer Back" must mean that it's used for carrying beer... right? RIGHT?! $265.
OK, I feel bad about including the 3D binoculars since you can't get them yet, so here's a high-speed camera that will let you capture the art of kicking a ball in glorious slow motion. You might even capture Darren Lockyer's face collapse from eyeball to chin. Ew. RRP $649.
Hey did anyone tell you that it's going to be pissing down with rain this weekend? Oh noes. But worry not, this rain jacket will cover up your DSLR baby so you can keep taking those slow motion shots uninterrupted. $US145.75.
So you've got your high-speed camera, you've got a waterproof jacket for it, and now you need something to sit it on since your hands will probably be shivering so much. Didn't you hear it's gonna be cold and rainy? JOBY's latest offering folds up into the base of your camera, so you'll never lose it. $US20-$US30.
You can place a bet on your favourite team and probably lose money, or you can place a bet on the team that's most likely to win and win money. Whichever route you choose, you can do it all via the official CENTREBET iOS app. You can place bets, deposit and withdraw money and access all your account information via the app. DON'T JUST WATCH IT. Free.
We wish we could tell you to punch someone in the face with 500,000 volts of electricity, but you'll have do with a runty version of a stun gun, you know, in case some rival fans get heavy with you. Or something. The Runt Stun Gun fits in the palm of your hand, gives you 350,000 volts of electricity, or you can even upgrade to one with 950,000 volts, but that's probably a bit overkill. The violent ones are almost always drunk and fall over easily. $US40.
Important: For those without brains or a sense of humour: this one's tongue-in-cheek. You'd get done if you tried to import this into Australia.
You can grab apps for NRL and AFL from the app store so you can keep up with live scores and stats, but when there's a dispute on the field, of course you wanna know exactly what the ref is saying. You'll be all sorted with a variety of SportsEars units for NRL and AFL. $45-$80.
So the weather will probably suck, but you and your gadgets will be alright at the game with this water-resistant jacket and its 17 pockets. Remembering what gadget you put in which pocket will be up to you, though. $US75.
We know it's gross picking up empty beer cans that may or may not belong to you, and especially that soggy paper cup that at some point held your hot chips, but do the right thing and pick up your rubbish — you can do it without getting your hands dirty with this nipper. $36.32.
I couldn't resist including this one — after all, figuring out how to answer nature's call at a footy match is something you're gonna have to think about in advance. Avoid those half-time queues by making your own toilet. All you need is a couple of garbage bags, cardboard... and chemical pellets to "solidify any liquids and absorb odour". OK, maybe not... just join the queue. They tend to move fast anyway. Price unknown.