We Need Another Messenger App Like We Need Extra Nipples

BlackBerry Messenger, GroupMe, iMessage, Facebook, Google Voice, and now Samsung's ChatON. These message apps (and many others) promise to deliver us from the tyranny of SMS messaging. Let's talk about why this, too, will suck.

How are these mobile messaging services supposed to save us from SMS when there are so many of them and everyone is on a different one? Seriously, until sending someone a message via one of these apps is as easy and mindless as sending an SMS, none of them stand a chance. Samsung's new ChatON messaging service, at least, is cross platform (you see that looking I'm giving you iMessage and BBM?). It works with iOS, Android, BlackBerry, and, of course, Samsung's Bada OS. Wait, is there someone out there actually using Bada? I feel like that's like me saying, "Don't worry guys, this app will run on the latest version of Gingerbrent."

How does ChatON differentiate itself from the others? It really kinda doesn't. The biggest differentiation is that you can attach a little animated greeting card to your message (see video). Seriously? The only person I can think of who would like that is my grandmother and she, A) doesn't have a smartphone, and B) isn't alive.

Really, I just don't understand why Samsung thinks that we need another app like this, or why they're the ones to do it. We already have so many competing standards in this arena, and if the likes of Facebook, Google, or GroupMe (now owned by Skype) can't do it, I don't know why Samsung thinks they can. Plus, Samsung's mobile software isn't very good. They have the distinction of making the one music player that is actually worse than Android's native music player. Sammy, please focus on making awesome phones and don't foist this crapware upon us.

Expect this service to launch next month. Expect nobody to care right now. [Engadget and XKCD]

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