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Back in the halcyon days of 2013, you could buy a brand new, handmade Vertu phone with an underpowered processor and an outdated operating system for $US10,000 ($12,686). But today, my friend, Vertu is drowning in debt and auctioning off these hilarious relics of excess with bids starting at a few hundred bucks. It's ironic because that's how much Vertu should have charged in the first place.

I've long been over the ridiculously overpriced-ness of idiotic Vertu phones. 300 grand for a dumbphone? Whatever, the stupid rich who spend that stupidly are beyond saving anyway. But Vertu has hit a new low (or high?) with this one: a $US190 Vertu USB cable.

newVideoPlayer("/colbertvertu_cc_giz.flv", 506, 423,""); Times are tough, friends. And even wealthy conservative mouthpiece Stephen Colbert has to cut back on his gadget spending habits. Needless to say, the guy is still doing alright; he continues to dial numbers that most of us haven't even dreamed about. We also hear that he smells of peppermint and lilacs at distances closer than four feet.

I'll admit this is a teeny bit tenuous, since the Hacha PF02 is only an MP3 player while the Vertu Signature is a fully-fledged and bejeweled mobile phone...but you have to admit the lookalike-ness is pretty amusing. And the fact that a $US15 naff screenless MP3 player with 2GB of storage, USB 2 connectivity and MP3, WMA and OGG files compatibility can pump out your tunes while a $US10,000 mobile phone can't is priceless.

Watchmaker Tag Heuer today announced its Vertu wannabe, the Meridiist. Like others in its class, its high price doesn't seem to justify the goods, unless you count a choice of crocodile, leather or rubber, a sapphire crystal main screen and a famous name. The specs are almost entirely unimpressive: 1.9" QVGA main screen, monochrome OLED on its outer rim, 2-megapixel camera, MP3/AAC/MPEG-4 playback. There's no mention of 3G functionality, so I'm going to guess it can only do GSM/GPRS, and though the 7-hour talk time is pleasantly above average, it had better have something to brag about besides style for the price, which will range from about US$5300 to US$6100. ">

Nokia's luxury subsidiary Vertu is celebrating 10 years of selling overdesigned, overpriced mobile phones with a new collection of overdesigned, overpriced mobile phones called the Monogram Constellation. Soon to reach your nearest Louis Vuitton shop in Chinatown, these models have the V monogram printed on the leather back in a four hour process that is for sure going to increase battery life and reception signal. The Pewter, Green, Red, Skye Blue or Cerise coloured Monogram Constellation will be launched on April 1st, and their price won't make you laugh.

Those fellows at the Chocolate Design Agency have come up with another smashing concept. This time they have gone to work on creating the best phone, ever. The design is modelled around the same E-Paper Slap Bracelet we saw earlier, but this time the e-paper system—four layers of sustainable material, and an Organic Radical battery—is put to use in the P-Per mobile phone concept, which shows a transparent display for camera mode and a browser that spans the entire surface of the display. Checkout the video after the jump to see what all the fuss is about.

We told you about Vertu's Ascent Ti a few months ago when it was found in an FCC filing. Well, it's been a couple of months and the Ascent Ti is finally being released along with official details. So what does $6,628 get you? For starters, a quad-band GSM phone with 3G and a 3MP camera.

The Ascent Ti, the next phone in Vertu's overly flashy line, received the dullest unveiling: An FCC filing. Good thing it had enough newness to make up for it. Looks like the Ti is going 3G with UMTS 2100, which means it won't work on our 3G in the States. It'll also have a 3 megapixel camera, a first for Vertu's Ascent phones. But the Ascent Ti isn't all new. It shares quite a few things with its predecessors as well.

Just like Vertu's previous models, the Ascent Ti's chassis is worked in some pricier stuff than the usual plastic.