Friendship ended with Fuzzy Sonic Xbox Controller, now Horrible Furby Xbox Controller is my new best friend.
For a bit of context, in mid-2021, the EIC of Can I Play That? Ben Bayliss posted a cursed Furby design for the Xbox Series X controller. It is a design that stares into your soul and knows all your secrets.
I was overcome with inspiration earlier and so made a new Xbox Series controller design.
Xbox Series x Furby pic.twitter.com/v9FeBj7ucP
— Ben Bayliss (@Ben_Bayliss) June 21, 2021
It’s a horrid little creature, really. I love it so much. We all know how rabid I got over the Sonic controllers, but this design stayed in my mind for a while since it got posted. The thing is that the beauty of this world is if you put something into it, then sometimes something greater will come out of it in return.
And that’s exactly what happened a little under a year later.
Introducing… The Furbtroller™
Fully functional, just jam your thumbs on the eyeballs and wiggle them around. Same for mouth d-pad.
Shoutout to @Ben_Bayliss for the terrible idea. https://t.co/0MwMTFCRx5 pic.twitter.com/fqFVOPRTBk
— Chad Etzel (@jazzychad) April 21, 2022
Self-professed ‘programming nerd’ Chad Etzel has made something truly despicable, and I am here for it.
As described by Etzel, the Furbtroller™ is a ‘fully functional’ Xbox Series controller made from nightmares. While we are unsure if the skinning of a Furby to create this controller was ethical, I do believe that this is a noble feat and applaud its creation. Here’s a video of the controller in action, which is somehow worse than still pictures of the damn thing.
Wiggle wiggle pic.twitter.com/5ENh0y9UPD
— Chad Etzel (@jazzychad) April 21, 2022
There are many questions I have in regards to the controller. Does it hurt when I touch its eyes? If I use the D-Pad, will it nibble on my thumb? Will it speak to me? If so, what will it say? Does it know the secrets of time and ages past? Do it fart?
I, for one, love the Furbtroller ™. Not just that, but I hope it appears in every home with an Xbox Series X/S. Not by choice, of course. I hope every person who has said console comes home one day to find their usual controller missing, with the Furbtroller™ sitting in its place. I hope they approach the Furbtroller ™, with fear in their eyes, and the Furbtroller ™ looks directly at them with love in its eyes.
I hope the Furbtroller ™ giggles, and says, “Welcome home, gamer. Would you perchance like to wiggle my eyes and put your thumb in my mouth? Forsooth, would you perhaps like to sit down for some Halo and fuck around with my cursed face?”. I pray for this, and I am willing it into the world.
Unfortunately, this is a one-of-a-kind monstrosity, but I believe that eventually Xbox will take the hint and make their controllers more vile and horrible for the greater good of people like myself, who would much prefer chaos and horror. Chad, thank you.