After a Schlong Race, This Finnish Skier Had to Thaw Out His Member

After a Schlong Race, This Finnish Skier Had to Thaw Out His Member
Image: Asha Barbaschow/Gizmodo Australia

In Beijing, it got down to -17 degrees C yesterday, which is cold, even for those making a career out of being in the snow. The reason I’m awkwardly talking about the weather is to find a segue into the fact a Finnish skier overnight had to unfreeze his member following his Olympic event.

The blue riband men’s 50km cross-country ski event was delayed by an hour yesterday, and according to a report from Reuters, via the Guardian, it was shortened to a 30km event due to the severe cold.

According to the report, Finnish skier Remi Lindholm spent just under an hour and 16 minutes traversing the course in howling, freezing winds, despite its shortened distance.

That wasn’t all we learned from the report, however. We also learned that Lindholm completed the race, then immediately had to go deal with a frozen Johnson. It was the second time this happened to the dude in a cross-country skiing race, following a similar incident in Ruka, Finland last year.

“You can guess which body part was a little bit frozen when I finished … it was one of the worst competitions I’ve been in,” he told Finnish media, the Guardian says. “It was just about battling through.”

Lindholm, 24, rushed off to go thaw out his schlong. He brought it back to life via a heat pack. But, like, as someone without a penis, does this happen often to those of you with one?

A quick Google served me up a lot of results, but nothing that wasn’t other publications reporting on Lindholm’s struggles. There was also a YouTube video, but I didn’t click on it.

So I guess the long and the short of it is: if you’re suffering from a frozen friend, a heat pack is a handy remedy.