Amazon’s New World MMO Won’t Let You Name Yourself Jeff Bezos

Amazon’s New World MMO Won’t Let You Name Yourself Jeff Bezos
Screenshot: Amazon / Kotaku

No, you cannot name yourself Jeff Bezos or any variant thereof in Amazon’s recently released and incredibly messy Massively Multiplayer Online Colonisation Simulator, The New World. This is unsurprising given the extremely fragile egos of the most powerful men on earth.

Even in beta, The New World suffered its fair share of name shenanigans, most notably when a player changed her in-game name to AmazonOfficial only to then spread true (but unflattering) facts about the company to its playerbase. So it makes sense that Amazon would beef up the game’s naming restrictions before the full release. The rules as written are that you cannot “Impersonate any individual or entity, including employees or representatives of Amazon.”

For those of you hoping to skate by with variants like ‘Jeg Beezbors’ or ‘Jebb Feyzos’ (you can have these two for free, we checked), I have bad news for you. You also cannot “use misspellings, alternate spellings, or combinations of words, symbols, and letters to produce a result that would otherwise violate this policy.” Even if you secure the coveted Beezbors name, if Amazon notices, you may be forced to change it after the fact.

Blocking names, and their associated variants, can be an incredibly difficult and time-consuming process. One Twitch streamer, @thomsimonson on Twitter, posted a video exemplifying how difficult this can be, specifically around the still-ongoing Twitch hate raids. This makes the fact that The New World team took the time to implement a ban for an easy joke feel even more ridiculous.

For those of you still searching for a real workaround, I wish you all the luck in the world. If you actually manage to do it, you’ll be the only person playing the game as Jeff on account of the game’s unique name rules, which apply to every server.

Uber-rich men known for facilitating hellish working conditions and company policies are famously sensitive individuals. To be made fun of is, for egotistical weirdos, the highest form of oppression they can envision, and they will do some wildly cringe-y shit to try and get you to stop. It never works, because they just make it so easy.