Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond Is

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond Is

Dear Gizmodo Australia Readers. I have a confession. I have never seen a single James Bond film. I know absolutely nothing about the franchise other than that they’re all on Stan (aka I have no excuse for not having seen them) and that there is approximately 500 of these films — a lesson I learned from my time at JB Hi-Fi.

I think he’s a spy? A secret agent? Does he work for the government? Is he a bad guy? Good guy? I have no bloody idea.

But rather than watching the films, I thought I would take it upon myself to rank every James Bond film based on nothing other than how hot the lead character is.

For the purpose of this experiment, I am using pictures chosen by Gizmodo Editor Tegan Jones.

Wish me luck!

[Editor’s Note: I’m so sorry for what I’ve done you Lavender and you, the readers]

Ranking Every James Bond Film From Hot To Not

Tomorrow Never Dies – 1997 – Pierce Brosnan

Mamma Mia!

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsGoldenEye – 1995 – Pierce Brosnan

Mamma Mia! Here we go again!

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond Is

Live And Let Die – 1973 – Roger Moore

I’m not sure if I just have a kink for a man in a black turtleneck because I wear a lot of black turtlenecks and I’m a giant narcissist but this man is DOING! THINGS! FOR! ME!

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond Is

Dr. No – 1962 – Sean Connery

Looks like a rich white man who probably owns a yacht, which means I could live my yacht housewife dreams.

james bondThe Spy Who Loved Me – 1977 – Roger Moore

I JUST realised Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me is a pun about this movie and I feel very dumb. Also this man is very stylish and I’m feeling it. We love a man in flares.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsThe World Is Not Enough – 1999 – Pierce Brosnan

This is SO 1999, but he’s rocking the glasses. Big fan. I think I’m in love with Pierce Brosnan.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsDie Another Day – 2002 – Pierce Brosnan

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! An electric razor.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsThunderball – 1965 – Sean Connery

Big fan of this scuba vibe. He looks hot but also this looks like the last picture that was taken before he was eaten by a shark.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsThe Man with the Golden Gun – 1974 – Roger Moore

My anaconda don’t want none unless you got tiny little guns, hun.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsMoonraker – 1979 – Roger Moore

This movie predicted the billionaire space race.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsThe Living Daylights – 1987 – Timothy Dalton

Looks like a douchey private school man, can’t tell if he’s hot or I want to punch him.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsLicense To Kill – 1987 – Timothy Dalton

Private school boy goes to Byron Bay for schoolies and has a really big night.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond Is

Casino Royale – 2006 – Daniel Craig

I know I’m meant to be horny for Daniel Craig but he just doesn’t do anything for me here.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsQuantum Of Solace – 2008 – Daniel Craig

I feel NOTHING for him.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsSkyfall – 2012 – Daniel Craig

He actually kinda looks scary here.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsSpectre – 2015 – Daniel Craig

You cannot tell me this movie isn’t about a Russian supervillain and his hot wife committing crimes and hiding out in the Swiss Alps.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsDiamonds Are Forever – 1971 – Sean Connery

Dad bod vibes. Make of that what you will.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsFor Your Eyes Only – 1981 – Roger Moore

I’ve been trying to comment on this photo but I just feel precisely nothing for this.

Ranking Every 007 Film By How Hot Each James Bond IsGoldfinger – 1964 – Sean Connery

Looks like a creepy waiter that might murder me on my way home.

james bondNever Say Never Again – 1983 – Sean Connery

Brows on point but also vaguely reminds me of my grandfather which feels weird.

james bondOn Her Majesty’s Secret Service – 1969 – George Lazenby

Not a fan but the cravat gives me Matt Preston vibes, so points for trying.

james bondNo Time To Die – 2021 – Daniel Craig

More like somebody please find time to kill me.

james bondOctopussy – 1983 – Roger Moore

Only fell below Daniel Craig because I hate clowns.

james bondYou Only Live Twice –  1967 – Sean Connery

Sorry but is this Mr Bean?

james bondCasino Royal – 1967 – David Niven

Gives me reaaaal ivory hunter vibes. I’m not an elephant but I feel like he’d cut my tusks off and sell it for millions.

james bondFrom Russia with Love – 1963 – Sean Connery

Looks like a robot that would rip me limb from limb. I am scared. It’s a no from me.

james bondA View To Kill – 1985 – Roger Moore

This is my sleep paralysis demon.

james bond

You can watch all 10,000 James Bond films over on Stan.