I Demand Telstra Make A 5G Gin

I Demand Telstra Make A 5G Gin

U.S. telco T-Mobile just announced that it will be selling a 5G-branded gin. And this got me to thinking — why can’t Telstra do the same thing?

First of all I have to apologise to Telstra’s media team for being forced to read this. But before you discount it as a mere shitpost, hear me out.

T-Mobile really is selling a 5G gin to help promote the next-gen network. And it’s not just any old swill. T-Mobile collaborated with a legitimate distillery, Heritage Distilling, to create the 5Gin.

And for those who want a non-alcoholic version, the telco is also selling a 5Ginger Beer.

And while this is all quite cursed, maybe it’s also genius.

Why Telstra should create a 5Gin

For the past two years we have seen the three major Aussie telcos roll out their respective 5G networks. There’s been a ton of marketing around it, and perhaps the strongest of all has been from Telstra.

And this is why I have volunteered it as tribute over Voda and Optus. But hey, if they’re interested they have my number.

Telstra was the first telco to bring 5G to the market. And considering it has the most robust coverage in the country, it makes sense that it has been pushing hard.

But while commercials, billboards and online marketing are all well and good, maybe it’s time to think outside the box.

Back in the day, Telstra (Telecom at the time) had a bunch of branded stuff — including homewares. In fact, you can buy a Telecom branded teacup and saucer set on eBay right now.

So why not bring the tradition back in liquid form? Okay, maybe it will be a tough sell. But that just means you need to get someone reputable on board.

This can be done.

After all, Australian gin companies have been known to collab in the past. In fact, my favourite Archie Rose gins are in collaboration with the Sydney Opera House, proving that a brand wedding can be more than a mere gimmick.

And look if people would still be hard-pressed to buy Telstra 5Gin, perhaps it could be offered as a Telstra Plus bonus? I don’t know, I’m more of a big picture guy. Someone else can work out the finer details.

All I know is this — if 5Gin is good enough for T-Mobile it’s good enough for us. In the very least, it would be pretty funny.