Donald Trump Jr. Is Now on Cameo, Wishing the Dumb Libs Happy Birthday (NOT)

Donald Trump Jr. Is Now on Cameo, Wishing the Dumb Libs Happy Birthday (NOT)
Photo: Chip Somodevilla, Getty Images

Donald Trump Jr. has pivoted to the personalised celebrity video app Cameo because, as all relevant people do, he understands that nobody’s time on the internet should be free. You get that money, giiiirl.

Filed under the “activist” label but searchable under the “reality TV” category, his price point is $US500 ($641), on par with Dr. Oz, Blac Chyna, and the co-hosts of MTV’s Catfish. (For the record, he’s worth five times as much as political consultant/convicted felon Roger Stone, and only one-third as much as Shark Tank’s Mr. Wonderful.) His typical response time is 22 hours. The page was first spotted by the Guardian, but reviews date back to May 24th.

As of Thursday evening, his page suggested that he’s been either not changing his shirt or firing these off back to back. Wearing a lime green Trump Scotland polo (he’s The Woodsy One), he wishes fans happy birthdays laced with outdoorsmen references to “hunting” and “fishing.” The setting alternates between a cabin with a flatscreen TV and a sun-dappled savannah or golf course. Perhaps from a $US9.7 ($12) million home in a gated community in Palm Beach.

Most people get thanks for their support (financially, spiritually), but if you ask, Donald Trump Jr. is always here to dish out hot lib owns.

“Peter, this is Donald Trump Jr., and I’m told that you’re turning older than dirt,” he says. “And I’m not that sorry about that because I’m also told you’re a serious lib. Fortunately for you, at least you have a family that has the sense to not be a lib and that they’re full of Trump supporters.”

He goes on to wish him a “good birthday regardless” and says “I hope your family rides you like Seabiscuit.” Which must be common rich person slang.

The great thing about Cameo is that you get to hear the kinds of things famous people say in casual conversation. Good to know that his principles are not for sale.