Judge Jeffrey Middleton, a rising YouTube star who hosts a live chat during Zoom court, brusquely dismissed a ding dong who showed up to an arraignment with the name “Buttfucker 3000.” Thank you, Twitter, for bringing the masterful performance to our attention.
Sadly, the official video was just removed, but Gizmodo viewed it this morning and a tweet memorialising the exchange is embedded below. “Bring this fool in,” Middleton told the camera, as a person monikered “Buttfucker 3000” entered the chat.
“Good morning sir, what’s your name?” asks Middleton.
“Me?” replied Buttfucker 3000.
“Yeah you, yes.”
“Nathaniel Saxaon, sir.”
“Your name’s not Buttfucker 3000, you yoho,” Middleton says dryly. “Logging into my court with that as your screen name. What kind of idiot logs into court like that?”
Saxaon muttered that he never typed anything like that and apologised, and Middleton put him in waiting room jail to think about what he’s done. Saxaon later pleaded guilty to possession of drug paraphernalia, a misdemeanour punishable by a maximum of 90 days of jail and a $US500 ($638) fine.
Always remember to check your Zoom screen name BEFORE you connect, kids ???????? pic.twitter.com/jwIouxbvou
— Kathleen Smith (@KikkiPlanet) May 11, 2021
Middleton, who started his YouTube channel in April 2020, has since amassed nearly 13,000 subscribers. Other now-Middleton classics include pointing out that you shouldn’t Zoom to court from the driver’s seat of a car when you’re on trial for several traffic violations. (This video has also been removed.) Also, (not at all humorously) adjourning a hearing after learning that a defendant accused of abuse appeared in the same apartment as the plaintiff.
These are the results of three million hours from Zoom court in Michigan alone.
Middleton, aware of his growing fandom rapt by his no-bullshit brand, has even addressed the peanut gallery of YouTube live chatters. “We’ve started to become a popular spot for people to watch court proceedings, and that’s all good, we’re transparent,” he said. “But we’ve developed a community of followers who post things on chat which are grossly inappropriate. And so the prosecutor brought me some text from this morning from Gorilla Glue Number 4..and a bunch of other people who are posting inappropriate things on our chat feed, so I’m gonna turn it off.” (Some had previously chanted things like “SEND TO THE CHAIR!” and“WE MADE A TENT OUT OF ICE PISS SKIN,” amongst running speculation about a defendant’s guilt.)
Middleton has previously told Motherboard that the mixture of sloppy home tune-ins and a vast following has been “profound, and in some cases troubling.”
Zoom court has also blessed us with the Supreme Court toilet flush; “I am not a cat” attorney; Zoombombed rimming porn; and a doctor in what looks like a bloodied mask streaming from the OR.
You can tune in to catch more entertainment and hopefully messy bitches with Judge Middleton on YouTube.