Here’s the Most Cursed Shit We Found on Amazon

Here’s the Most Cursed Shit We Found on Amazon
Image: Amazon
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The internet can be a pretty scary place at the best of times. From conspiracy theories to videos that make you wish it was possible to unseen things, there’s no shortage of questionable content out there. Don’t believe us? Just take a little geez at Amazon – the home of cursed products.

From haunted dolls to flip flops shaped like fish, Amazon really does have it all. Some of them are useful, while others make you wonder who ever thought they were a good idea – we’ll let you be the judge.

If you’re looking for a spook, here are 18 of the most cursed things we could find. Enjoy! Or don’t.

Danny O’Day Dummy Ventriloquist Doll ($116.92)

This frightful doll was the voice of nestlé chocolate in the 50s and 60s, so his old-timey vibe is pretty creepy. You’ll also receive a free e-book on how to be a ventriloquist if it’s a lifelong passion of yours.

Mr. Sneezy Egg Separator ($23.37)

You’d be forgiven for having no clue what this is on first glance but it’s actually a nifty device for separating your egg whites from the yolk. Hopefully you can stomach the thought of eating it once Mr Sneezy is finished.

Novelty Face Bank ($24.59) 

Described as a ‘crazy little monkey face’ that loves to ‘eat coins’, this is one unique piggy bank. It apparently also has a ‘skin-like texture’ – terrifying.

Cat Butt Tissue Holder ($40.01)

Have you ever grabbed a tissue from a cat’s butt? We’d like to think your answer is no. If you’re bored of reaching for your plain old tissue box, why not give this one a whirl? It also doubles as great home decor.

Nicholas Cage Sequin Pillow ($19.77)

You might think you don’t need a pillow with Nicholas Cage’s face on it, but you’d be wrong. This extreme close-up of the actors face is best placed in your bedroom, for obvious reasons.

Meat Claws Meat Shredder ($7.50)

If you’ve ever wanted to shred your meat like Wolverine, this is your chance. You’ll never separate your pulled pork with forks again, that’s for boring people.

Rubber Chicken Handbag ($58.63)

Rubber chickens aren’t reserved for dog toys anymore, they’ve made their way into high fashion. This bag will likely ruffle a few feathers but it’s worth it in the name of style, right?

Yodelling Pickle ($29.51)

You might have everything in this world but it’s unlikely you own a yodelling pickle. It serves quite literally no purpose and is as useless as the name implies. Why, Amazon?

How to Good-Bye Depression Book ($31.69)

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One can only hope that this book has been poorly translated into English, otherwise its contents are extremely disturbing. Please be warned that the advice contained within should not be substituted for that of a medical professional.

Who needs a regular garden gnome when you can display this brutal scene instead? It’s like Jurassic Park meets The Seven Dwarves – great for the kids!

Creepy Doll ($19.77) 

 

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The name really says it all for this one, no description necessary. Maybe it’d make a great gift for your nieces first birthday?

Fish Flops ($45.92)

If you’re looking to be the best-dressed at the beach, look no further than these fish flops. They’re stylish, comfy, and flipping good fun.

Bicycle Ball Lights ($25.73)

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Hang these fluorescent balls at the rear of your bike seat so traffic can see you riding at night. Trust us, you won’t go unnoticed.

Burrito Tortilla Blanket ($21.99)

Ever had a bad day and wish you could climb inside a burrito and take a nap? Now, you can. This burrito blanket is perfect for anyone who thinks regular blankets are for schmucks.

Blue Bob Dog Wig ($20.66)

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It’s unclear who decided that dogs should wear wigs, but it looks like somebody did. Your pet will simply love you for this, after all, it’s not fair as humans get to have all the fun.

Donald Trump Chia Pet Planter ($29.07)

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You’d honestly only find something like this on Amazon. Watch Donald’s green afro grow each day and bask in the glory of his new do.

Long Chicken Leg Socks ($24.46)

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Have you ever wished you had chicken legs? Well, it’s time to rejoice because that dream is about to come true. These socks are just crying out to be worn in public.

Danny Devito Cardboard Cut-Out ($179.88)

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Nothing against Danny Devito but this life-sized cut-out of the man is undeniably cursed.