Yeah. So, Jeff Goldblum — the Jeff Goldblum, star of Jurassic Park, Independence Day, and so much more — is going to play Elven sorcerer Balmer in a Dungeons & Dragons podcast. This is a true statement of something that is going to happen in our reality, and I absolutely can’t wrap my head around it.
Look at him. LOOK AT HIM.
Goldblum will be joining Dark Dice, an actual-play D&D podcast that began in 2018. It’s about a group of adventurers (natch) who “embark on a journey into the ruinous domain of the nameless god,” according to the official site. Balmer will make his debut on May 12, when the series returns to begin its second storyline. If you don’t know the podcast, it sounds pretty rad already — Deadline says it “features immersive soundscapes, a diverse international cast, and an original soundtrack featuring an orchestra, over 30 medieval instruments, and a live choir singing in Infernal, Icelandic, and Elvish.” Still, the addition of Jeff Goldblum is quite the coup.
I want to know everything about this. Why? Why Dark Dice? Has Goldblum ever even played an RPG before? What Balmer’s level going to be? What spells can he cast? Can I even imagine a world where someone is going to ask Jeff goddamned Goldblum to make a saving throw? I cannot, and yet here we are. Here we are.