I’m kidding, these things are awesome. They were briefly spotted in the wild back in 2019, but Hot Toys has finally released official pics of its 1:6-scale action figures of Batman and Robin from 1995’s Batman Forever, and, as usual, they’re preternaturally good — right down to the nipples.
Not the Bat-nipples, however, just the Robin-nipples. That’s because Hot Toys has chosen to make Batman’s sonar suit from the movie rather than his “normal” outfit, which had the bat-symbol on his chest on a gold background rather than the all-black symbol seen above. Check both figures out in all their Joel Schumacher-ian glory:
Back in Black
Apparently, director Schumacher wanted the superhero costumes to look like highly muscled male anatomy, à la ancient Greek sculptures. However, this looks more like one of those anatomy dummies without the skin so medical students can see the muscles underneath.
Batman is holding his special Sonic Batarang from the movie, which is actually a really great and arguably more practical version of his normal batarangs. Those are shaped like boomerangs, of course, while this is more of a throwing star — which is how Batman uses them about 90 per cent of the time. The accessory is foldable as per the movie, which you can see below.
The Eyes Have It
Note the sonar lenses! I had completely forgotten Batman Forever gave the Caped Crusader this doohickey before Christian Bale’s Batman used it in The Dark Knight to take down the Joker’s goons. It’s kind of odd that one of the best Batman movies and one of the worst used the same tech.
Riddle Me This
In addition to the Sonic Batarang, the figure comes with a Batarang Launcher, a Bat-Clamp Launcher, and an Underwater Thruster, and as God is my witness, I don’t know which is which. I think the thing on the upper-right is the Underwater Thruster, so the item on the lower-left would be one of the Launchers. (The other is pictured on the next slide.) If anyone’s seen Batman Forever recently, I would greatly appreciate an assist in the comments! Because there’s no way I’m going to watch the movie to figure this out.
Those Wonderful Toys
…and a collage of everything that comes with the figure. The second Launcher is in the right column, third picture down; it looks like it shoots Batarangs, but I just don’t know for sure. Anyway, the whole Bat-kit and Bat-kaboodle will run you around $340 if you pre-order it over at Sideshow Collectibles, but it won’t be shipped to your personal Bat-cave until sometime between April and June 2022.
It’s kind of meaningless to say, given that Hot Toys almost always makes stunningly accurate likenesses, but damn that’s an accurate likeness of Chris O’Donnell in the movie, right down to the odd swirls of his hair.
The Rs Have It
I never, ever noticed Batman Forever’s Robin has a tiny version of his “R”-symbol on his eyemask before. I posit that’s it’s exactly as ludicrous as the nipple since they both serve the same purpose, which is absolutely nothing.
The Bird’s Nest
Again, stunningly accurate detail, right down to his disturbingly prominent robin’s eggs.
Look, the Bat-cave is still a cave, and as rich as Bruce Wayne, there’s absolutely no way he could effectively build a heating system that could take care of the entire chasm. I’m just saying, nipples are gonna get hard.
Those Wonderful Toys, Part II
Robin doesn’t come with nearly the amount of accessories as Batman does and he costs a cool $330. But can you really put a price on having a tiny Chris O’Donnell in your collection? You can pre-order him here, and he’s also due in autumn 2022.
Best Bat-Friends Forever
Here’s what’s most exciting to me about these figures — this means there’s a very good chance Hot Toys has Batman & Robin figures in the works, and if that’s true, there’s absolutely no way we’re not getting Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze eventually. It’ll be ice to see him!