The European Union Just Banned The Best Thing Rolls-Royce Has Ever Done

The European Union Just Banned The Best Thing Rolls-Royce Has Ever Done

Wealth buys you a lot of freedom. Freedom to do whatever dumb crap you want to do. (Which for most wealthy people means working until they die to accrue more wealth. Something I will never understand). But in the European Union, you aren’t even afforded the freedom to spec your custom Rolls-Royce however the heck you want! I’m sorry, did I wake up in communist China this morning? Who cares if the extra light from an illuminated Spirit of Ecstasy causes unnecessary light pollution?

That’s right, the Woke Police have infiltrated the lawmakers of the European Union. They forbade the British automaker from selling the lighted lady hood ornament option within the EU, and existing EU Rolls customers with the option will be forced to bring their Rollers into the dealership to have her unlit. If the Remainers had known about this before the vote, Brexit surely would have been unanimous.

The new EU policy to reduce nonessential light pollution probably has something to do with so-called quality of life. As if the lighted Spirit of Ecstasy doesn’t cause an increase in quality of life for the owner of the Rolls-Royce, whose entire reason for being this rule summarily destroyed. How can living in a world with unlit Spirits be an improvement for anyone?

I imagine the citizens of the EU would achieve great benefit from seeing one of these magnificent beasts, Spirit erected and aglow, plodding down the main streets and thoroughfares? Surely the proletariat feels pride in lifting up the ruling oligarchical class structure. Surely the Rolls owner would barely perceive the upsetting of suspension caused when a filthy prole falls under tire.

Nay, this is no longer a land of freedom. The terrorists have won. That we cannot go on with our Spirits illuminated is more than simple metaphor. Our spirits have literally been broken.

If you do have a Rolls-Royce with an illuminated Spirit, the company will replace it with a traditional Spirit statuette free of charge, and refund you for the £3,500 option (about $6,351). As if the cost is purely monetary. If we won’t stand for something, we’ll fall for anything.