Tuck Me Inside the Scorpion Machine

Tuck Me Inside the Scorpion Machine

Reader, if I may, can I bend your ear for a moment?

In the two years I’ve worked for Gizmodo, I have struggled to identify a workstation more sadistic, more unhinged than the 18-million pixel Craigslist rig that my colleague Tom McKay once reviewed (and for which Gizmodo paid real, actual money — a fact I frankly still find astonishing). But today, Gizmodo’s senior consumer tech editor, Alex “Tiny Hands” Cranz, dropped something in Slack so truly cursed I couldn’t help but appreciate its inherent chaos. Behold: A triple-monitor PC setup inspired but what is inarguably the worst creature on earth:

Setting aside for a moment that few of us actually has adequate room in our homes to house such a gaming setup — much less that a reasonable person would want it situated in shared spaces, if for no other reason that the distractions — actually paying for the damn thing is a commitment unto itself.

To get yourself something similar, you’re looking at spending upwards of thousands of dollars. Acer’s similar throne retails for nearly $US14,000 ($19,244). My editor Caitlin McGarry found the Cluven one above on Alibaba for $US1,900 ($2,612) — practically a tenth of the price! Also, incidentally, the exact dollar amount Gizmodo has agreed to pay for a rig of this calibre should this very blog post reaches 200 unique comments.

Rude but fair. (Screenshot: Gizmodo) Rude but fair. (Screenshot: Gizmodo)

I want to be absolutely clear: I am both horrified and fascinated by the hell chair. And while I can’t imagine that my household would be thrilled to have a trailer-sized scorpion situated in the centre of our living room for any prolonged period of time, I must confess that I want desperately to review the rig. Ideally while wearing a full-head Guy Fieri mask.

Please share thoughts and prayers in the event I ever have to build a rig like this in my home.