Tuck Me Inside the Scorpion Machine

Tuck Me Inside the Scorpion Machine
Facebook may have decided that you shouldn’t see the news, but we think you deserve to be in the know with Gizmodo Australia’s reporting. To sign up for our daily newsletter covering the latest news, features and reviews, head HERE. For a running feed of all our stories, follow us on Twitter HERE. Or you can bookmark the Gizmodo Australia homepage to visit whenever you need a news fix.

Reader, if I may, can I bend your ear for a moment?

In the two years I’ve worked for Gizmodo, I have struggled to identify a workstation more sadistic, more unhinged than the 18-million pixel Craigslist rig that my colleague Tom McKay once reviewed (and for which Gizmodo paid real, actual money — a fact I frankly still find astonishing). But today, Gizmodo’s senior consumer tech editor, Alex “Tiny Hands” Cranz, dropped something in Slack so truly cursed I couldn’t help but appreciate its inherent chaos. Behold: A triple-monitor PC setup inspired but what is inarguably the worst creature on earth:

Setting aside for a moment that few of us actually has adequate room in our homes to house such a gaming setup — much less that a reasonable person would want it situated in shared spaces, if for no other reason that the distractions — actually paying for the damn thing is a commitment unto itself.

To get yourself something similar, you’re looking at spending upwards of thousands of dollars. Acer’s similar throne retails for nearly $US14,000 ($19,244). My editor Caitlin McGarry found the Cluven one above on Alibaba for $US1,900 ($2,612) — practically a tenth of the price! Also, incidentally, the exact dollar amount Gizmodo has agreed to pay for a rig of this calibre should this very blog post reaches 200 unique comments.

Rude but fair. (Screenshot: Gizmodo) Rude but fair. (Screenshot: Gizmodo)

I want to be absolutely clear: I am both horrified and fascinated by the hell chair. And while I can’t imagine that my household would be thrilled to have a trailer-sized scorpion situated in the centre of our living room for any prolonged period of time, I must confess that I want desperately to review the rig. Ideally while wearing a full-head Guy Fieri mask.

Please share thoughts and prayers in the event I ever have to build a rig like this in my home.