I Was High On Benadryl When I Decided To Transform McNuggets Into Cars

Hey, wanna know a secret? I’m miserable right at the moment. Physically. I cleared out a bunch of brush this weekend that included way more poison ivy than I realised, and now my arms look like thick red relief maps of Mars and one eye is half swollen shut and I itch and itch and itch and oh god please make it stop. Anyway, last night I took some Benadryl and got a little loopy thinking about cars and chicken nuggets.

For some reason, the fact that McDonald’s liquid-cast chicken bits are designed to come in four distinct shapes popped into my head, which prompted me to look up what those shapes actually were.

They’re known as (left to right, if looking at the top image) the Ball, the Bell, the Bone, and the Boot.

I think the Benadryl was really kicking in when I decided that, hey, I bet I should try and see what kinds of cars each of these nuggets suggest, and sketch them on top of their respective nugget shapes!

In hindsight, I’m not sure why I thought this was a good idea, but I did it, so I figured, well, alea iacta est, I may as well show you what I came up with, right?

So here goes:

Illustration: Jason Torchinsky

The nearly-circular shape of the Ball really only lends itself to something like a small city car. Think something Isetta-ish, tall, short wheelbase, with a little engine at the rear. Knowing me, I’d probably be really into the Ball McNugget car. I bet it’s a two-stroke.

Illustration: Jason Torchinsky

Something about the Bell suggested a strong beltline, and before I knew it the Bell was becoming a mutated version of a BMW 2000CS. I’m not sure anyone has ever looked at a McNugget and thought BMW 2000CS! but here we are.

Illustration: Jason Torchinsky

I think the Bone may be the most successful one here. The shape, with that upward little kick at the end, felt like a badass ‘70s custom van with a roof wing, sort of like the wing the A-Team’s van sported.

Also, I think the bubble window in the shape of a chicken drumstick is an inspired choice.

Illustration: Jason Torchinsky

And last, we have the superstar of the group, the mighty Boot. The Boot has a dramatic curve to it that defines the body, and, interestingly, appears to be a sort of cabover supercar that so far I’ve only dreamed about.

Mid-engined, deep-fried, and fast. I’d expect the doors open in some kind of exciting way, too.

Antihistamines are a hell of a drug, kids.