Over the weekend we got a glimpse of the upcoming LG Velvet. It’s a super cool name that invokes the senses and seems to be an attempt to pivot in a slightly different direction.
But this unique, numberless moniker did get me to thinking about some of the worst phone names that have cursed the market over the years. Strap in.
iPhone 11 Pro Max
It sounds like a knockoff protein powder or discount Viagra brand. It also seemed to kick off a trend of overly inflated, slightly confusing name tiers in the mobile industry. Not a fan. Keep it simple, please.
LG may be trying to do the whole dual-screen-you-can-fold-back-thing in 2019, but Motorola on that bandwagon in 2010.
I hate how much I love this name. I want them to do a Motorola Ollie for the Aussie market.
Yezz Billy 4.7
This was actually a Windows Phone from 2014 that was named after, you guessed it, Bill Gates.
I totally get the homage, and that Yezz was its own brand, but the two words being mashed together is… interesting.
That’s right, Asus collabed with Garmin to make a phone-GPS hybrid.
I guess back in 2010 they didn’t realise that Google Maps was going to cut their grass HARD.
LG V50 ThinQ 5G
LG has a history of convoluted naming conventions, and ThinQ only made that worse.
You don’t need to advertise your smart ecosystem branding in a phone name. We assume it’s going to be part of it at this point.
Also, nobody wants to say that many syllables.
The V60 ThinQ has continued this trend. Hopefully the future of LG is more Velvet.
The whole OnePlus One, OnePlus Two thing is just a bit… perplexing? Nokia is suffering from the same problem at the moment with its 4.2, 3.2, etc devices. It’s needlessly confusing.
LG Chocolate Touch
Samsung Galaxy S II, Sprint Epic 4G Touch
I think I went into a mini rage blackout just reading that. Just, why?
So this one was named the “Priv” after its privacy features, but that’s super not how it reads.
Why not just call it the Blackberry Toff?
Samsung’s S20 flagship lineup is impressive, but the trio of phones is also expensive as hell. In this economy, nobody is gonna spend up to $2,000 on a smartphone. We need more affordable options and Samsung just took the wraps off its budget lineup, with six budget handsets to choose from, each cheaper than the last. Of course, you sacrifice a few premium features by spending less money, but if you want an expansive display and a handful of camera lenses, each of Samsung’s A-series phones fits the bill. If you bump your budget up to $800, you can even get a 5G-capable phone, which is practically unheard of.Read more
LG Thrill Optimus 3D P920
Like we said, LG loves a long-winded name.
There were a few Thrill phones the company release. But to be honest, “thrill” is the opposite vibe emanating from any LG phone.
It also just makes me think of this:
Yeah, we’re going there.
Tim Cook can call the series the “Ten” all he wants, but plenty of people are going to ignore the Roman numeral, especially when you add a regular letter next to it.
Subsequently, plenty of people pronounce the XS the ‘Excess’ and considering the price tag, that’s fair.
Huawei is also guilty of this with its most recent Mate Xs foldable device.
Acer Liquid Zest Plus
This sounds like some kind of gross energy/vitamin drink hybrid and I hate it.