If I were to tell you I got an email about a Tiger King dildo, I still don’t think that would be enough to prepare you for the monstrosity you’re about to lay your eyes on.
This thing is a beast! For nearly $200 you can fuck 8-inches of striped, vein-riddled silicon, decked out with faux chastity piercings, and a wrinkly old ball bag. And for an extra 20 or two, you can get a base and suction cup so you can stick it on the wall for a quickie every time you go past. Just be careful not to trip and fall onto it. Or maybe do. Make your own feline fun is what I’m saying.
I’m just going to stick the key features below along with a couple of pictures of the thing, so that you can fully appreciate what that hundred quid is going to buy you ” a fantastic time is what. Also, 10 per cent of the profits from the sex toy’s sales will be donated to Tiger Watch, so you can feel all warm and fuzzy inside when you use it. Which will hopefully be happening anyway.
Here’s what the product listing has to say about it:
Say “˜Fuck you, Carole Baskin’ with the Sinnovator Tiger King Realistic Dildo!
Expertly handcrafted dildo with a Prince Albert piercing, an ampallang piercing with padlock & 4 sleeper piercings down the side
Boasts an insertable length of 8 inches & a circumference of 7.5 inches
Features raised veins, is cleverly contoured & perfectly pliable ” bends with the body for customised gratification
Customisable base & colour but is also O-ring harness compatible
Hand poured from premium platinum grade silicone ” body safe, non-toxic & compatible with both silicone & water-based lubricants
10% of profits to be donated to Tiger Watch
The starting price over at UberKinky is £99.99 ($194), with £10 ($19) and £20 ($39) base options upping the price. And if you prefer your dildo medium-soft, rather than medium, your wish is UberKinky’s demand ” you just need to pay an extra tenner on top. It definitely ships to Australia ” we checked ” but you’ll have to fork out another $40 for that.
Don’t make the same mistake we did, and start browsing related products. We’ve now filled our basket with an ejaculating cock and a dog dick as well. For research.
This post originally appeared on Gizmodo UK, which is gobbling up the news in a different timezone.