Stop Building DIY Bidets Unless You Love Drinking Poop

Stop Building DIY Bidets Unless You Love Drinking Poop
Image: Disney


The Great Toilet Paper Crisis of March 2020 has started to subside but now many Australian households have newly-installed bidets, a new warning has been delivered — maybe don’t make your own bidet if you’re not a professional.

Of course, it’s illegal to install your own plumbing fitout — or bidet — in Australia unless you’re a licensed plumber. Still, it hasn’t stopped a number of people from trying their own hand at it amid the desperation to find what feels like Australia’s last loo roll. Because of that, Western Australia’s building regulator, Building and Energy, has released a health warning urging people not to do this.

“By law, only a licensed plumber is allowed to install this equipment, which must have an appropriate backflow prevention device to eliminate the risk of contamination of the drinking water supply,” Building and Energy Executive Director Saj Abdoolakhan said in a media release.

“Cross-contamination of waste products with drinking water can cause serious illness or even death from bacteria and other infections, so people should not attempt to install or repair toilet spray hoses themselves. Always call a licensed plumber.”

It’s sort of a long way of saying, do not cause your untimely death in the name butt cleaning. You could literally be drinking your own shit, which might not be the worst thing given the times, but is also something we should probably avoid right now.

The release also noted they had seen the Google search spikes for ‘bidet’ in Australia so it knows you’re searching for the things, which again, should be install by a plumbing professional.

While we’re here, let’s also put an end to the fatbergs that are threatening our country’s sewage pipes with their disgusting presence.

A fatberg is the monstrosity that occurs when too many people flush things they’re not supposed to down the toilet. It culminates in a huge ball of waste and poo that blocks sewage pipes and all sort of other nightmare-inducing dramas. Those banned materials, if you need a reminder, include wet wipes, toilet paper and anything else that isn’t your faecal excretion and standard toilet paper really.

Down with fatbergs and shit-water drinking, I say.

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