Don't Worry: Donald Trump's Son In Law's Sister In Law's Father Is On This Whole Coronavirus Thing

Photo: Jose Luis Magana, AP

These are troubled times: a global pandemic, a collapsing stock market, and widespread anxiety and uncertainty about what happens next. But never fear, Donald Trump’s administration has a secret weapon: his son in law Jared Kushner’s sister in law’s father’s Facebook poll.

Kushner, along with racist cue ball Stephen Miller, was reportedly one of the White House advisers behind the U.S. president’s disastrous address to the U.S. on the coronavirus crisis on Thursday, with Politico reporting that Kushner had been tasked with talking to “relevant parties” about what Trump should do. Those relevant parties appear to include the 22,000-strong “EM Docs” Facebook group.

As first reported by the Spectator, emergency room Dr. Kurt Kloss, father of Jared Kushner’s sister in law supermodel Karlie Kloss, asked members of that group on Wednesday: “If you were in charge of Federal response to the Pandemic what would your recommendation be. Please only serious responses. I have direct channel to person now in charge at White House and have been asked for recommendations. I have already expressed concern for need for ventilators and more PPE (personal protective equipment) for frontline and test kits.”

Dr. Kloss clarified that he was, in fact, soliciting opinions directly for Kushner’s evaluation, and would appreciate hearing from fellow "BAFERD’s" (apparently meaning Bad Arse Fucking Emergency Room Doctor):

For transparency I will provide some background about my unique circumstance. I have not shared this in a professional forum before. Our daughter Karlie Kloss (one of the top models in the world, 45 Vogue covers and counting; proud dad commentary) is marred to Mr Joshua Kushner. His brother is Mr Jared Kushner son in law to the President and who is now directly involved with the response to this. I have been over the past two weeks expressing our concern through Josh about lack of PPE availability, the frustration of not being able to test and especially to ensure enough ventilators. Tonight I was asked by Jared through my son in-law for my recommendations, that’s when I turned to you guys my fellow BAFERD’s for help.

Politico further confirmed that yes, this is actually how Kushner, who could presumably consult the entire federal health apparatus from the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention to the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, approached the task of advising the president on coronavirus response policy. In other posts, Dr. Kloss asked members of the group to spitball "name and contact for Disaster Medicine leader" and "how to best utilise EMS in response," the Spectator wrote.

The EM Docs group doesn’t seem to have had a chance to weigh in before Trump’s address, as the post went up around the time Trump was on the air. But Kushner is reportedly becoming more closely involved with coronavirus decisions such as whether to declare a national emergency, which Trump in his infinite wisdom has somehow not done yet. (Reports indicate he may on Thursday after weeks of downplaying the crisis before blaming Europe.)

Dr. Kloss posted that he would submit the final version of his findings to the group for "PEER review"—that’s not what peer review is, for the record—"before I sent it."

The list Dr. Kloss came up with contains ideas ranging from nationalising production of critical medical equipment and “Pop up Field Hospitals” to “draconian travel restrictions” (questionable) and “cancelling all mass gatherings.”

He also referred to suspending the Emergency Medical Treatment and Labour Act, the U.S. law that requires hospitals with emergency departments to stabilise all incoming patients regardless of their ability to pay, though presumably for the purpose of allowing institutions to better redirect patients towards disaster centres rather than preserving resources for the rich.

Thoughts so far

1) Nationalise as in war time production of PPE’s, testing kits and ventilators

2) Suspend EMTALA (the Emergency Medical Treatment and Labour Act)

3) Activate FEMA and DMAT teams

4)Pop up Field Hospitals with ICU capability Israel seems to have expertise

5)Decentralised testing away from hospital or if on hospital away from ED (emergency department)

6)Drive through testing capability and I would add pulse ox capability

7)Draconian travel restrictions

8)Cancelling all mass gatherings

9)Massive marketing of PSA explaining what patients to do especially not going to ED if not in respiratory distress (Need to refine this message )

10)National Telemedicine for screening

11)Locking down Nursing Homes require all care givers in full gear and frequent testing

12)Use state ACEP (American College of Emergency Physicians) for some sort of incident command structure

13)Use emergency funding to compensate quarantined

“Jared is reading now,” Dr. Kloss posted later, according to Politico.

In a statement to Politico, the White House wrote: “In his role as a senior adviser to the president, Jared Kushner is, of course involved in the coronavirus response, but he is not in charge of coronavirus research.”

Are you reassured? I definitely feel reassured. This is fine. Totally fine.

As of a Friday tally by the New York Times, the U.S. has over 1,700 confirmed cases of COVID-19, the disease caused by the virus, with 41 confirmed deaths.

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