Robot Santas, Ranked

Robot Santas, Ranked

As traditionally depicted, Santa Claus is a kind of cult leader who runs an enormous factory using slave labour and stolen IP to churn out knockoffs of the latest products. He’s basically Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, Jack Ma, and Jeff Bezos rolled into one. Which is to say, he should be regulated or put in prison.

Santa the man clearly is bad. But Santa the idea brings joy to millions of children (who are lied to) around the world. So how do we resolve this contradiction? One solution is to celebrate robot Santas.

Here are some mechanised St. Nicks that are better than the real (fake) thing.

5. Toy Santa from The Santa Claus 2

Robot Santas, RankedScreenshot: Walt Disney Pictures

Tim Allen ranks pretty low on the list of Santa Claus portrayals, but he ranks pretty high on the list of anthropomorphic toy portrayals thanks to the Toy Story franchise. It’s no surprise then that his performance as Toy Santa”a mechanised Kris Kringle replica that goes rogue and takes over the North Pole”in the second instalment of The Santa Claus basically splits the difference. As robot Santas go, it’s fine.

4. Santa Suit from Invader Zim

Robot Santas, RankedScreenshot: Nickelodeon Animation Studios

In the final episode of Invader ZimThe Most Horrible X-Mas Ever,” Zim builds a robot Santa suit. He hopes to impersonate Father Christmas so he can win over hearts of humans and enslave them. His plans are thwarted when the suit becomes sentient and turns into a murderous monster.

I have no strong feelings about either Invader Zim or this Santa, which is basically just regular Santa. The art is fun though.

3. This dancing Santa figure

Watching this Santa just makes you feel happier. This is a good Santa.

2. Robot Santa Claus from Futurama

Robot Santas, RankedScreenshot: 20th Century Fox Television

Futurama‘s Robot Santa Claus spends the majority of his time surveilling the people of Earth from his North Pole fortress on Neptune. Then, on Xmas Eve, he goes on a killing spree, punishing both naughty and nice. He is perhaps the most beloved and best-known robot Santa”a superlative status he would absolutely deserve if it weren’t for one thing.

1. Big Tex

After lording over the State Fair of Texas for 60 years, the original Big Tex a 49-foot tall Santa made out of papier-mache and iron who tried to lure tourists and shoppers to Kerens, Texas. In my humble opinion, the best robot Santa of them all.