23 Questions For Greta Thunberg, 19th-Century Gold Miner And Time Traveller

23 Questions For Greta Thunberg, 19th-Century Gold Miner And Time Traveller

Some might say that individuals like this archived image showing a Thunberg look-alike in the year 1898. If there is only one blessed Thunberg, what the hell is she doing in 19th century Yukon mining gold?

That is, of course, what many are asking after a declining another award last month.

Thunberg is truly remarkable, so who’s to say she’s not a time traveller? She handles the climate crisis with more maturity than most adults I know. Maybe that’s no coincidence, after all. She sits before the United Nations with the kind of poise I still lack at 26. And she’s supposed to be 10 years younger than me?! No way. These conspiracy theorists may be onto something, man. Time-travelling is supposed to delay ageing because it involves outer space, right?

I put together a list of questions for Thunberg if she is, in fact, a 19th Century gold miner and time traveller. Earther will update if this “teen” (yeah, right) comes back with some answers.

  1. So, wait, are you actually a teen?

  2. How does time travel even work?

  3. Do your parents time travel with you?

  4. Are you even still a child?

  5. Is your time-travelling machine carbon-free?

  6. How can we believe anything you say now that we know we’ve been lied to?!

  7. Were you actually mining gold in this photo? Or was it”¦ coal?!?

  8. Coal mining did begin in this area in the 19th century. Could the photographer have been mistaken?

  9. Exactly how much coal did you mine, Greta?!

  10. OK, let me chill. You’re a goddamn climate hero. You wouldn’t be mining coal”¦ unless you still didn’t know it fuelled climate change! Right?

  11. Speaking of, when did you discover climate change would become the biggest threat to humanity?

  12. But, wait, how the fuck did you wind up working in gold mines? Child labour is a stain on human history, but so is climate change, so I guess people have always sucked.

  13. Actually, have people always sucked?

  14. Have you been to the future?

  15. Do we still suck there?

  16. Does Twitter still exist? Please tell me no.

  17. Does U.S. Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez become president? Please tell me yes.

  18. Can you still travel to the past?

  19. If so, would you mind visiting the 1970s to stop oil companies like Exxon from hiding their climate science and fuelling the climate denial machine that still has the American public brainwashed?

  20. Please?

  21. How about going back to the start of the Industrial Revolution to let everyone know about the greenhouse effect?

  22. Too far? How about 2016 to prevent Donald Trump from becoming president of the United States and killing our climate policies?

  23. On second thought, do you mind never time-travelling again? I think the current timeline needs you if we’re actually going to solve this mess.