Facebook To Users: Get Fucked

Image: Facebook

Facebook — a company that knows everything about you — is a dating platform now. Seemingly it’s deeply invested in getting you to fuck your friends! You can start screaming now, or in unison with me as I read through their announcement post.

Today, we’re launching Facebook Dating in the US. We’re also giving people the ability to integrate their Instagram posts directly into their Facebook Dating profile [...] By the end of the year, we’ll make it possible to add Facebook and Instagram Stories to your Dating profile too.

Oh god. Oh no. Please do not do this.

People are suggested based on your preferences, interests and other things you do on Facebook

That’s awfully vague. Is now a good time to start worrying, or is it already too late?

With one tap, we’ll suggest photos and information from your Facebook profile, which you can edit or remove. You can also create your own Dating profile from scratch.

Just imagine Mark Zuckerberg personally suggesting adding a photo where you “look exceptionally fertile.”

If you are interested in someone, you can comment directly on their profile or tap on the Like button to let them know. If you aren’t interested, you can pass on them. Facebook Dating allows you to match with friends of friends and/or people not in your friend circle. Facebook Dating won’t match you with friends, unless you choose to use Secret Crush and you both add each other to your list.

... so that you can feel weird around one another until you stop hanging out entirely, forever!

You can choose to see other people who are using Facebook Dating that fit your preferences within the groups you are part of and the events you have attended or will be attending.

AHHHHHHHHHHH

We’re committed to protecting people’s privacy within Facebook Dating so that we can create a place where people feel comfortable looking for a date and starting meaningful relationships.

And why would we ever have a reason to doubt them?

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