The Sims is a franchise that emulates the real world, letting you take your digital families through all the trials and tribulations of the mundane human life. But also, there are ghosts. And plant people. And witches. Wizards, too. Oh, and werewolves. Plus, whatever the heck this mutant glitch baby is. You might call these parts of The Sims games ‘weird’, but what’s a vampire or two between friends? No, the real weirdness isn’t as easy to see as a skeleton maid — you’ll find it in the dark corners of the franchise — in the spin-offs and sidequels that you never get around to playing. The Sims lore is deep, and from here, it only gets deeper.
You may have heard of the spooky mysteries behind Bella Goth’s disappearance and subsequent reappearance between games, but that hardly measures up to these obscure gems. You might think that you’re a Sims buff, but did you know about these weird, hidden subplots from the forbidden lore of the Sims franchise?
There’s a secret cult that worships cows in Strangetown
The Kine Society, lead by Sinjin Balani, is featured heavily in the handheld adaptation of The Sims 2 for PSP, but it also shows up briefly in the Nintendo DS version, under the guidance of everybody’s favourite goth girlfriend, Ava Cadavra. The members of this delightfully cooky group worship the great cow Beelzebeef, also know as the Prime Heifer — a force of great evil in the Sims universe. The Bovinomicon, the great cow’s religious book states that:
– The great cow Beelzebeef slumbers beneath the surface of the earth.
– When Beelzebeef rises again, she will awaken the Elder Herd.
– The Elder Herd will trample all those who stray from the teachings of the Kine.
– Once the earth is cleansed, there will be a new era of peace and delicious grass.
We can only assume what “once the earth is cleansed” implies, but it’s probably murder. Maybe.
Given that the Sims 2 handheld games share characters with the mainline PC titles, it’s safe to assume that they’re canon to the main story. So when you’re setting up your family for life in Strangetown, watch out — there might just be an ancient cow cult growing beneath your feet.
The Sims 2’s Tank Grunt has fought giant beetles, aliens, mummies, goths and the mob
Tank Grunt is one of the few Sims 2 characters that has made appearances in both the mainline and handheld Sims titles, and he has a number of fantastical experiences to show for it.
Tank is a generic teen Sim in the main game and has a keen interest in pursuing the military career branch, like his dad. In the handheld games, which presumably take place 5-10 years after The Sims 2 for PC, Tank is an adult, and now lives in a military bunker in Strangetown. He takes an active role in the game’s action, particularly in the Game Boy Advance version of the The Sims 2.
Here, he’s a semi-main character, and helps the player out on their many misadventures. Also, he might have been replaced by an alien halfway through the story — but that hardly matters here. Tank’s adventures so far include being shrunk down and made to fight beetles, helping to destroy an alien invasion, going after local Italian mob boss Frankie Fusilli and also nearly dying of radiation poisoning.
What a life!
There’s a giant living in the clouds above your head in the original Sims
The Sims: Makin’ Magic, arguably the best expansion pack in the entire Sims line-up, introduced sorcery and spells to The Sims, as well as a whole bunch of other weird stuff — like the giant who lives in the clouds right above your Sim’s home. Check him out, just taking a nap in the video above. What a lad.
The way to access the giant (who is designed after Sims creator Will Wright) is to build your house on a haunted lot, plant some magic beans and go about mastering the art of magic. The more spells you cast, the larger your magic beanstalk will grow. When it gets long enough, you can ascend the stalk and encounter the giant in the clouds. So next time you fire up The Sims, just be wary that every move you make, every step you take — he’ll be watching you.
The Tragic Clown has always been dead
The Tragic Clown first appeared in The Sims: Livin’ Large in 2000, turning up to cheer your Sim when life didn’t seem worth living anymore — but only if they owned a cursed painting of said clown, presumably the source of his hypnotic power.
The Tragic Clown isn’t all that good at his job. In fact, when he arrives to cheer your Sim up, he spends the majority of the time sobbing into his hands, injuring himself and openly weeping. There’s no doubt that the Tragic Clown is cursed, but really, his story gets worse — because it turns out he was never alive to begin with.
The Sims 3‘s Sunset Valley expansion (which takes place canonically before the original Sims) features the Tragic Clown’s tombstone buried in the Pleasant Rest Graveyard. So yeah, he’s been dead the entire time, Sixth Sense-style.
His ghost is blue, which means he drowned. That, coupled with his hydrophobia trait — a fear of water — implies that he didn’t meet his final, tragic end by choice. Ergo, the Tragic Clown is not a man, but a demented, long-departed spectre wandering the desolate plains of The Sims looking for souls to torment. Aren’t clowns fantastic?
The Devil lives in Miniopolis, and he plays a mean fiddle
Miniopolis is a major city in the world of the Sims, and it’s where the ‘cool’ Sims known as Urbz hang out. Remember when Maxis tried to make that a thing? They even got the Black Eyed Peas involved — all told, the 2000s were a wild time.
For the most part, Miniopolis is your regular, run-of-the-mill city — unless you count the freakshow carnival, the ghost-infested cemetery, the murky underground waterway, the secret club where beads give you superpowers and the vampire living in the catacombs connected to the prison, anyway.
Also, the Devil is real and alive and living in Miniopolis’ bayou. After Daddy Bigbucks essentially yeets your Sim into a nearby river in The Urbz on Nintendo DS, you wake up on a swamp riddled with three-eyed frogs, nuclear rods and a talking, albino alligator. Eventually, you wind up near a hickory stump and the Devil pops out with a “boy, let me tell you what” to challenge you to a fiddle contest. Sounds familiar, dunnit? Beat the the Devil — known here as the Red Man — and you’ll receive a golden fiddle statue, as well as the terrifying knowledge that the Devil is manifest in the world of The Sims and nothing is sacred.
Literally anybody could be an alien in The Sims
The presence of aliens has long been established in The Sims franchise. They mostly live out in Strangetown and keep to themselves. They’re just trying to live their life like any normal human-like being, yeah? Well, maybe not. The Sims 2 on Game Boy Advance establishes that the aliens have a unique ability to mimic a human being’s appearance, down to their voice, completely replacing them. As I mentioned earlier, this definitely happens to Tank Grunt, although whether it’s permanent is unclear.
Their only weakness is water, but seeing as they’ve mainly taken up residence in the Strangetown desert, this doesn’t present much of an obstacle. The aliens in the handheld titles have attempted to overthrow the humans multiple times. What’s to stop their PC counterparts from doing the same? Anyone could be an alien in The Sims. Anyone. Next time you visit your friendly neighbours, you might want to bring a spray bottle. Just don’t be horrified if their face melts away.
Robotic Servos have the ability to gain sentience
Servos were first introduced in the original Sims, operating as subservient robotic butlers. You probably made your Servo clean up all your messes, scrub the toilet, fix the shower … the works. Well, I’ve got some bad news, because Servos in The Sims have the ability to gain sentience and become intelligent, independent machines. Also, if you abuse them, they’ll beat your ass.
The Sims 2 for Game Boy Advance and Nintendo DS introduced the world to Optimum Alfred, an intelligent Servo who blows a lid, builds his own army of robots and then tries to blow up the world. After suffering one too many abuses, Alfred is ready to tear you to shreds, and he nearly succeeds in doing it, until superhero ‘The Raticator’ comes along to foil his plans.
Servos in The Sims 2: Open For Business have the unique ability to go haywire if they face stress or abuse, indicating some degree of existing sentience in the main games. Also, they’re immortal. So if they do decide to revolt, you’re buggered. Next time, have a good long think before you make the robot do your dishes.
There’s an old lady that lives in a well in downtown SimCity
In The Sims 2: Nightlife, your Sims can go out on the town for a steamy, hot date — but you might run into Mrs. Crumplebottom, a Victorian-era dandy who simply won’t stand for romantic shenanigans. Any Sim publicly displaying their affections will face the wrath of Mrs Crumplebottom, who’ll berate them and beat them over the head with her purse until their behaviour stops. Also, she lives in a well.
Once you install the Seasons expansion pack, Mrs. Crumplebottom gains a new interaction. If your Sim happens to wish for romance at the wishing well, Mrs. Crumplebottom will crawl out of the well and attack them. Crawl out of the well! Like some Sadako poltergeist bullshit! Who does that?! Mrs. Crumplebottom might be the most horrifying figure in all of Sims lore.
So there you have it, folks. The wonderful and amazing world of The Sims! Deeply horrifying stuff here!